I’m mentally exhausted. Utterly. I feel sometimes as if I am sinking. But my children’s love for me buoys me. I only hope that they feel the love that God has for them and that it fills their little hearts as well. As near as I can tell, they do and it does.
There are drawings and notes like these all over our house. It’s magical.
We got back home today after our travels for my bankruptcy meeting. It went well. And it’s over. Seeing my husband was bittersweet. It was so (so) good to see him. And it was so (so) hard to see him. Or, at least, to see him go. Thankfully now we have somewhat of a “plan” for when we’ll talk again. I’m hopeful. What other (good) choice do I have!?
(Some of) the kids and I stayed one night in a hotel that cost $34 a night. It was worth every penny! Ha.
I let Big Mac and Nuggey pick out something to participate in at the YMCA this spring. So, this afternoon Nuggey started karate and Big Mac picked up (ahead of) where he left off in swimming. He can now swim two lengths of the lap pool and is learning all of the strokes. Naturally strong and athletic Nuggey concentrated so hard in karate and had seriously the hugest smile on his face during the entire class.
Warm weather, really warm weather, descended upon us today. It was fun. We walked to the park and had windows open.
Yet all in all, I’m exhausted, mentally. But yet, at the same time, I’m doing really well. My eyes are (usually) on God and His promises, not on satan (I’ve never thought he deserved a capital letter) and his stupid lies.
Oh, and also on my children’s love for me. It buoys me.
Reading of your meeting and of your seeing your husband fills me with this sort of urgent feeling. I can’t explain why,like when you are dreaming and trying to get ready to go somewhere and just can’t. It’s that feeling. I don’t understand it but it’s a finger tingling urgency that fills me up when you speak of meetings with him. I feel lost a little. Of wanting to somehow help or DO something and just not being able to. Of course not being able to,nothing like wanting to reach out and not being able to. I sound crazy huh? It’s such an odd feeling. I hope his heart is doing the mending it may need to be doing and I know yours will hold on. Thinking of the two of you…
glad to know things are peaceful right now…i pray they only improve!
I like this post! It made me smile!! I especially like the part about not giving satan a capital S.
What a great post. Glad to hear all is starting to go on a smoother path for you.
Love the drawing! I am still praying for you Mcdaddy and your children. Janet
Awww, love notes and pics are the BEST!
BTW. not sure why, but I can’t seem to post on your FB page anymore
Children are such a gift from the Lord! Praying the Lord will continue to guide you with a gentle spirit as you move forward on this journey. I know all too well how difficult it is! Keep trying to see McDaddy through the eyes of the Lord and not your own human eyes. God bless you and your family!
I think of your family often, and will keep you in prayer. There are families everywhere going through exactly what you are, but even though your struggle is not uncommon, I can’t imagine it breaks the heart any less.
I just pray that you rest well each night…and that you feel refreshed each morning, letting God’s grace cover you. I pray that even though you are all hurting, each in your own way, that you always feel God’s love is bigger and stronger…because it truly is. I pray God would soften your heart, and your husbands…and that you would receive what He wants you to learn/grow from in this…
I’m so sorry you are going through this…it truly breaks my heart…but I know He will carry you through this!
I’m so glad “it went well”. The “I love you Mom” picture touched my heart and I’m sure that’s what gives you stength at the difficult times……….to push through and go on. Maybe a certain someone should dye their hair pink again? Ha! What the heck the whole dang family for that matter!!!
I’m so glad that Big Mac loves to swim and is doing something to bring him exercise and joy at this time in his life. Your comment about Cullen’s big smile the whole time he was in Karate class brought an “awwwww” on this end.
Windows up? Wow. I can’t believe my flowers are coming up already…….in NY!!! I feel like I’m back in Virginia……..wish.
It didn’t surprise me it took you a few days to post after the big meeting. It is mentally exhausting and you needed to process everything, regroup & relax……and push on.
A plan to talk……is a step.
Wishing you well and praying for your whole family.
Big fat puffy pink (orange) heart for you dear friend! I knew you could do it. I still pray that he will come back, but if he does not, I know you will get through that as well. Love you! lo
this is has nothing to do with your post, but would you mind sharing this video? it’s about a man in Uganda who for the last 26 years has been abducting children, and making them go out and kill and abduct other children. this is the year it is going to stop, but we need to spread the word. it’s been going around Facebook, and i thought this would be another awesome place to share it. if you don’t want to, i totally understand but thought i would ask as your blog reaches out to so many. hope your days get easier!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc
How sweet are the little love notes children leave for us, and at just the right time! I got an “I LOVE Uoo Mom” from my 6 yr old DD left on my computer last week and there it will remain. Prayed for you and thought of you often throughout the day and I’m so pleased to hear that the hearing went well and is over and that you have a “plan” in place with Israel. Exciting for the boys in their activities. Sounds like just what they needed!
You are doing a wonderful job Jennifer!!
i keep saying the same thing over and over but I am afraid this is all my limited life experience and even more severely limited wisdom are good for: you are a remarkable woman and a glowing example of fortitude, determination, faith and love for your children and so many people around you. I am sure that whatever is in store for you in the near and distant future is bright and beautiful and blessed. hang in there!
I’m a single mother (for almost two years now) and often pray that God will fill in the gaps for my (three) children where I and their father fall short. My best intentions do not allow me to have the time and energy or resources to be and do all that I want for them. Still, I am reminded that no matter how ‘perfect’ of a parenting job I do, I cannot “parent-away” their need for a savior. I pray they will turn TO God in their pain and disappointments and not grow angry or hard with Him.
This isn’t the plan I had for my life, yet I have found great peace and am learning to hope for the future again. There are some very, very difficult days. And I still don’t quite have a vision for what God wants of me, but He knows and He endures my ups and downs. I’ve never had to rely on Him so much and that is the secret gift in all the loss.
Hugs to you. I’m cheering for you from down in East Tennessee!
So glad to hear your day went well. And that you have plans to talk again. Keep praying for God’s will. Don’t push MckDaddy. He has to come around on his own. You are all and each in my prayers.
I have a picture drawn by my Youngest Boy when he was around 4 years old (he’s now 7) hanging by my bed. It gets me out with a smile on my face (usually). Glad you have a plan. Not knowing (anything) is the hardest part. Blessings.
Beautiful. Love the picture. Love the attitude. Love the idea that their love is a buoy and an anchor. You are doing great. Hugs and love from Dallas.
Continuing to pray for you and your family! I can just picture Cullen with that huge smile during the whole karate class, I couldn’t help but smile when I read that! I also agree, I never capitalize satan for the same reason, he does not deserve it!!
Oh I’m so glad that you have that behind you! I know that there is still much more ahead of you that you still have to deal with. At least you have one big nasty thing crossed off your list.
Aren’t kids just the balm a poor soul need!
I’m so glad that you have all of their precious souls in your life!
xoxox
You are so strong…sure can tell from this post. Hang in there girl…you are doing really great things and God is smiling down on you today! Many blessings being sent your way for strength and guidance…hold on tight! :O)
I’m so glad your children are helping to give you strength. I’m sure meeting with your husband was really hard. Huge hugs to you as you go through this difficult time.
Glad things went fairly well for you. You are so strong!!! Those little ones always know the perfect time to show their love!!! Continuing to pray for you and your family.
I am so glad the meeting went well and this stressful part is over! You must feel so relieved.
Isn’t is wonderful how kids can remind us of what is important?
Thanks for your tweet. Been so busy. Rushed to a blogging event today in NYC, forgot my German babysitter was coming, L lost part of his front tooth so off we go to another hairy dentist appointment soon… it was kind of a mess
Tomorrow I’m meeting another mom who is as fierce of an advocate of attachment parenting and extended breastfeeding as I am – Mayim Bialik (Blossom), so I’m really excited about that. She just wrote a book, Beyond the Sling, that is fabulous. You would love it.
Hang in there, it’s going to get easier. You are doing such a great job juggling everything.
Holding my breath too- and saying lots of prayers for you and your sweet family.
Keep up the good work sister!! Proud of you- and things WILL get better.
Hold on-
Glad to hear things went (reasonably) well. I remember how it is to see hubby when you’re separated. It feels great to see him, yet it’s difficult because of all the hurt and unknowns. Keep on keepin’ on. You can do this!
You amaze me. Amaze. I find myself holding my breath between your posts, wondering how you are, how you are holding up. I am so sorry you find yourself going through this. Let alone going through it while raising five children on your own. Take a deep breath & know that you are stronger than you think. And your kids are so (so) lucky to have you.
I feel privileged to follow you on this long, winding road.
On another note, I’m not sure if music speaks to you, but it always does me a world of good to find a good song or two that I can cry along with. JJ Heller’s Painted Red album has some amazing songs. Particularly “Back Home”, “Keep You Safe” & “Your Hands”. They carried me through some rough times. You might wanna have tissue handy…
{{hugs}}
praying for you guys!
Good to see you got through that! I was nervous for you. It’s hard seeing my husband every day when our plan is to separate in a few months, but I think it would be harder not to see him. I think you are doing a great job with everything, even if it doesn’t feel like it to you. It’s true that the love of our kids can encourage us to keep our heads afloat when we may want to just let go and sink down deep into depression. At least that’s been my experience. Praying for you to get a good nights rest.
Sorry you are struggling in your marriage too … pray for God to rekindle your love and give you a second chance. I’m on my second marriage and now (5 yrs on) wish I’d tried harder to save the first — especially for the kids. Men and women may make plans, but God is ultimately the one in control! Blessings on all of you.
One foot in front of the other! We are all so loved by Him! His grace is amazing!
I am so thankful that your meeting went well. You must feel such relief to have all that debt off your shoulders so you can now start anew with a fresh clean slate.
I hope the kids enjoyed their visit with their Daddy. I bet he was happy to see them again. Glad you guys now have a “plan” for more talks. Keep clinging to your faith, for when all else fails you know you are always loved and lifted by Him. Remember, slow and steady wins the race. You’re doing great so far!. 
Oh.dear.girl.hugs and prayers for you each day. Like the drawing you posted. So glad the children’s hearts are happy and you are strong for them and they in turn for you and each other. Prayers your family will heal and come back together. Healed and God in the midst of you! Never give up hope! :9 } For our God is with you, right hand in yours, leading you!
Great to hear from you this evening! I love how your kiddos feel their need to love on you!
xo Karen
Loved this post. Love the artwork. Love that you know when you will talk to Mckdaddy. Love that you are doing “okay”.
God’s love buoys you too! =)
Such an incredible thing if you think about it. The buoys are there flashing in the midst of a storm to warn us of shallow water. We cling to the sight of it knowing that land is soon to follow. Though the storms of life rage around us, God is always there to guide us to the other side, and keep us afloat when we’re ready to sink from the waves splashing over the bow.
Remember His promise that He will never leave you nor forsake you!
Praying for you dear sister in Christ. =)
Still praying for you all…
Love the sweet pic, I have a house full, and a purse/bag-full, and a Bible-full of sweet creations like that. Cherish them
I have never thought satin or cancer should deserve capital letters either.
I hope you have a good night and wake up to some more warm sunshine. We are in California. It was hot the last couple of days but today it is so cold and so windy.
I hope every day is a sunny day for you.
Sending prayers and hugs to you
As hard as it may be, and I KNOW it is so hard continue to focus on God and know His grace is sufficient enough for you in these dark times. Cling to the fact that God desires reconcilliation for your family. God knows your needs and desires and He will continue to provide for you! Praying!
Happy to see this post.I thought of you many times today.You are making all the decisions for your children as a mother and Grand mother I want to tell you how amazing you are.So excited to hear the kidos are getting to do some exta activities.You continue to put them first. Blessings to you that tonite you will rest ,find peace in your dreams and feel the warmth of our heavenly father.
That is wonderful on so many levels. I bet that meeting and it’s end was a very welcomed moment. Best wishes in the future and God’s blessings on your financial situation. That is wonderful news (I believe in the manner that I took it). That you and your husband will open communication in (hopefully) the near future! Again, just a thought if you have not seen the book “Love and Respect” totally recommend it. My favorite booke ever. I would be honored to send you a copy.
And those little notes and drawings are awesome. I am always honored and blessed when I see drawings for me when I come home from work from the twins.
Continued Prayers for you and your family!!!!!
So glad to hear you are ok. Well as ok can go for now. I am continuing to pray for a reconciled family! Praying also for your continued strength. What a blessing to hear that your children are getting to be in activities that they enjoy!
Have a great night! Hope you can rest your mind for a bit 
Ive been thinking about you today! Checking every few hours for a blog post
Glad you got to see him and have a plan for the next time.
Same here…kept checking and thinking of you and your family. I am so happy that the kids seem to be doing well. Kids are adaptable. Glad things went as well as could be expected. Take good care, Jennifer.
Me too.
Hope you feel extra loved today!