I want to take away their pain and confusion, but I don’t know how. Great is my longing to stop the ways they are being wronged. Oh, how I wish I could make everything right.
But I can’t.
My tears are usually for them. With them. I pound my fists and cry, “Why!? Why them!?” To watch them struggle is to want to break into a million pieces.
But I won’t.
I imagine that I am strong enough to do this. Pretending the fortitude I wish I had was really here, that the freaking wind really was beneath my wings.
But it’s not.
Drowning myself in my work, deals up the wazoo, business opportunities galore, photo lessons every second or third day, promoting every cotton picking thing I love, sharing from the heart and doing what I honestly love doing so that I can make a buck. It is me who has the responsibility on my shoulders right now of providing for my children. I wish I could say I’m feeling really confident about that.
But I’m not.
They are open, telling me how they feel. What they fear. How they dream. I stroke their hair and remind them he loves them so much. And so do I. And so does our Heavenly Daddy, who loves them with a perfect love. They pray, sing, fight, cry, laugh and ask questions. I wish I had all the answers. Or even some answers.
But I don’t.
I try to keep life normal, but we all know it’s not. There is a truth behind our eyes, an unsteadiness, we all feel it. So short do I feel I fall at being capable to help them walk this road. To even walk it myself. The family counseling is bound to be wonderful for us. I will see him in two more days. It’s been seven weeks or so now for them. Maybe six. Four for me. Most days I don’t keep track, try not to wonder about where he is. I stay busy. Mostly because I must. It’s busy running my family. But I also stay busy to cover the pain. The pain I wish would wash down the drain after I take my long baths.
But it doesn’t.
Great is my sadness for him when I let myself go there. How hurt he must be, how much I ache for my love. But the anger and rage mixes in. I wish I could balance those things.
But I can’t.
Someday, though. Mark my words. Someday, even if it is not on this side of eternity, someday. Someday, so help me God, someday. Someday I will say I can, I will, I am, it does, I do.
And I did.
Someday.
I feel your pain. Having gone through a marriage break up myself and being left with 5 children also I understand what you are going through. I know that without God in my life I would not have made it. I pray that things will work out for you and you husband and family. They didn’t for me as there was a third party involved but I can honestly say that I have forgiven my ex husband and have moved on. Time does heal although you can never forget the hurt they put you through. After 12 years I am now happily re-married. Hang in there things will get better. Praying for you.
praying for all of you.
You are the “rock” for your children right now. It is so important that they understand they are not the cause of their daddy not coming to see them. It is one thing to separate himself from the marriage. But, it is absolutely terrible how he has decided to not see or even talk to his children. There just isn’t any reason or excuse for his behavior. NO EXCUSES given to him.
You will get through this and be a better person and mother. You will learn many things about yourself that you never knew existed in your soul. God is taking care of you and has his plan all laid out for you. It is just hard for us at the time when we aren’t aware of what the future holds.
Take each day as it comes into your life. Hold your children close to your heart. I have been where you are and having those late night talks between yourself and God will keep you going. The smiles you see every morning when your children wake up will help you through another day.
I’m so sorry. I’m nine months into your situation only I have 4 young children. The pain will ease. My best advice to you is to cry out to God like never before. He’s with you and your precious children. The nights were unbearable the first three months. I had someone suggest Tylenol pm and I’m convinced that’s how I survived! You’re in my thoughts and prayers daily! Much Love
For the Lord will go before you,
And the God of Israel will be your rear guard. Isaiah 52:12b
I came across this verse while seeking confirmation about whether to go to Guatemala with a church group this summer. It seems good for you too. HE is your shield and the lifter of your head, but please take time as you can find it to cry, grieve, and pray–stuffing it isn’t going to help in the long run.
How do I get a picture on here, BTW?
Oh how my heart hurts for All of you! Praying! Sending hugs! And Jesus Love! Janet
Jennifer,
I’ve read your blog, then read the comments and with each comment I said “That’s true, we have to pray for him” and “yes, this is hard” and “YES, she IS doing awesome!” and then “NO this isn’t fair” and “HE IS being a JERK for not seeing his kids” and when people cursed about it I felt better. So, if I’m in this much emotional turmoil just reading it, then I can’t even begin to comprehend that I know how you must feel.
But I know this, you’re family is being prayed for. Big time. And you really are doing good! Keep it up and keep your chin up and keep the smiles up! Only time will tell how this will iron out but rest assured, JOY WILL COME IN THE MORNING!
Hugs,
AmberK
And let me just also say this…a day later…
I was an ‘abandonned’ daughter by my biological father. I thought it was ‘weird’ but I never thought it was ‘me’. My mom was fun and loving and supportive and we just went on…I know now she must’ve hurt so, so badly…so many nights after I went to sleep I can’t imagine the heartache and how she dealt. But she put her smile on in the morning and loved me through it. I see you doing this now with your children and Jennifer, I have no doubt at all that your children will be fine for the long run.
When I was ten, my momma met a sweet, loving and kind man. He’s my dad. He’s my three sons’ PawPaw and he provided a loving, Christian and genuine atmosphere and it has now trickled into generations.
You don’t know what is ahead but I know who does (sing it high pitched, ok? ha)! And your Maker has good plans coming out of this turmoil. If Israel has turned his back-God will make good of it for you and your kiddos because He loves you and wants joy for you-”I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.” So you keep working your lovey mommy magic on those most precious kiddos of your’s.
A woman was in the gas station the other night-it was about 8 PM. I watched her while my hubby pumped gas. She was crying and this man was yelling and then walking off and she would sob harder. So when Hubs got in the truck I asked him to drive over to her-I asked her what was wrong and she said “My boyfriend’s being a ..” He wasn’t being nice. There was a two year old in the back seat. Tired. Sleepy, just wanting to snuggle with mommy. I looked at her and said “My ‘babies’ are in the back seat. They don’t stay babies long, ya know. Leave him here like he asked you to and you go home, put some warm jammies on you and that baby. Lay on the couch and snuggle her in like the love she deserves. Enjoy your time with her before it’s too late.”
It was the best advice I could give her at the moment.
I’ve been through hard times, too. Very, very, very hard times. At one point I thought “I’m never going to go a day without crying!” And then…one day came and I realized, I hadn’t cried in a month. It was so exciting, ha ha!
Love on your babies. Enjoy them. Hurt when you need to. Vent when you need to. ENCOURAGE and PRAY for yourself every day. Love on those babies.
I’m done with my book now. (and the whole blog community said “Hallelujah!” ha ha ha) I really want you just to be ok. Sorry for the rambles.
All I can think of reading this is “YOU ARE A GOOD MOMMA”.
God bless you.
You’re doing great, Jennifer! The kids are SO BLESSED to have a mother like you. SO BLESSED. Don’t forget, they have each other too!
Continued Prayers! Someday there will be no more pain, tears or anything else that this world offers. But only our heavenly father in his perfect kingdom.
Continued Prayers!
One foot in front of the other, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. I so hurt for those babies and for you. But the little ones, just don’t get it. I know how hard it was for my then 18 month old and 3 year old when their dad left for an overseas military assignment for one year. They feel all the stress, they just don’t know why!
I pray for you to be strong when you see him today and certainly hope you are not going alone. The hearing itself is stress enuff—done that one. Your children will be much closer as a result of these trials and you will be much stronger.
love and prayers,
Shari NC
My husband’s father was not involved in his family, and you know what? It gave my husband the power and the DRIVE to be a wonderful, engaged, amazing father to our three. Maybe this is happening for a reason. I know my husband told me that he wants to be so involved with his kids b/c his Dad wasn’t there for him. Your children will always remember this, and they will have to struggle through it, but it may create something positive for them in the end.
This is so beautiful….so true….so sad….so personal and so honest. I pray that God will bring your family together again and renew your love for your husband and his love for you. The devil is happy to see you seperated but I’m sure God is sad. Pray without ceasing and remember to draw nigh unto God and He will draw nigh unto you.
God is father to the fatherless. And the perfect parent.
Praying for you all.
Jennifer, one thing that came to my mind as I read this post that I felt lead to share with you…. one thing that has helped me through dark times is to talk positively to yourself. I think it’s COMPLETELY healthy and appropriate to feel the pain as you are in this post, and I am not trying to minmize that… however, throughout your day, saying affirmations to yourself may be helpful… things like, “I am strong, I am ENOUGH, I AM deserving of (fill in the blank), etc. I learned this practice from a book I am reading called, “the Art of Extreme Self-Care”. I find that it helps keep me present and stable. Just thought you may benefit
My personality lends toward this type of thinking. Mind over matter. I wake up happy and go to bed happy for the most part so I understand what you are trying to say here but in the case of a wandering spouse mind of matter does not work. That is one of the reasons why it is so frustrating. There is nothing you can do to fix it or change it. So Jennifer while you are in your car, while your doing the dishes and while your folding the laundry declare this… I am not strong enough but God’s Word living and abiding in me is going to be strong enough!
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
I am sitting on the other side of a very similar trial and I can tell you,
God was enough!
This is so sad. I can’t imagine abandoning my kids, they are my life. He must be hurting so intensely he can only think of himself and not see or care enough to how he is hurting those who love him. I am praying he gets the help he needs.
I have read your blog for 3 years and must admit I have been more of a skeptic than a fan. That being said, I applaud the amazing way you have been handling this curveball. I have a new found respect for you. Keep moving forward even though it is hard. You are setting a fine example for your children and other readers dealing with similar situations.
I was told once to “Be Strong enough to be weak, because in weakness, comes strength.” I am so glad that you are expressing those emotions. But allow your children every now and then to see that weakness.. it humbles you, and them, and they will know that the Heavenly Daddy is the only one that lives in perfection.
I HATE that you are going through this right now. I pray for all of you, including MckDaddy! So I leave this comment with the same words that someone once told to me… and I learned to live…
Be strong enough to be weak, because in weakness comes strength!
this post totally reminds me of this song — don’t know if you’ve heard it, but it’s fabulous . . . take a listen and enjoy!
hang in there!
shana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-16WDQ7kO0
I have turned away from your blog many times for things you’ve said but I keep coming back and in this moment I pray for you.
pray without ceasing. you are strong and it is hard but you will make it through this season of life. God is there and will always be there. dont let those babies forget that either. its good that they can share with you and keep letting them do that. i think counseling will be wonderful for the family. i pray your husband comes back and you get through this. thank you for sharing this even in your pain. i am sure someone else is going through it and they nned to know that the blog world is not filled with perfect lives. and way to go on your weightloss!!
I’ve been through bad times and, as I’ve said before, in order to begin healing and moving on, at some point you have to stop telling your story. Going over the negative all the time will keep you in the negative. Go over all that with your counselor where you can vent. Stop telling the negative story and start focusing on your kids and the positive.
I don’t quite agree with this….I got divorced because of my husband’s affair,, lost a 13 yr old son in an accident all at the same time and I HAD to tell my story over and over in order to heal. That is how the brain processes it. And there were people around me that didn’t mind hearing it over and over and supported me regardless of how often I felt like talking. Only MckMama knows how long she will need to tell it and when to slow down or when to stop.
I can understand your thoughts, but I COMPLETELY disagree. My sister’s incident occured about a year and a half ago, and I still blog about it. Something that is traumatic (and in Jennifer’s case, this certainly is traumatic to her AND her kids) she will likely never stop talking about “it”. And she shouldn’t. Healing is a process and no one can tell you how fast you will heal. In my circumstance, although it is not the same, I don’t see the healing process EVER really ending, and when I blog about it, it is a chance for me to unload my mind and my heart. I know I have readers, but I don’t blog about it for my readers. I blog about it for myself.
My daughter’s accident was 15 years ago. She was 4 and was severely brain injured in a car accident. Her accident was life changing for me. I have never been the same since. My outlook on life is different. I talk about her accident and the aftermath of it all the time. Our story helps others; to some they find understanding in what they are going through with their own child, while to others our story is inspirational. When I talk about what happened to her and all we’ve been through because of it, it still is very healing for me…even after all these years. I always get choked up when telling it, but I always feel so proud of how we came through that trial in our lives. And I am always so proud of my daughter, who is such a fighter. I really feel that when something so profound happens in your life, there is almost no way you can NOT talk about it. I think it’s healthy to talk about it. My opinion.
Hi Katrina! My sister was 29 when her incident happened. Sudden cardiac arrest for no diagnostic reason. She amazingly survived, but has an anoxic brain injury. I know your daugher’s brain injury is a traumatic brain injury, but regardless, it is a constant, daily reminder of what once was versus what now IS.
I lost my son to cancer 12 years ago. We talk about it all the time. Jen is grieving a loss too. Grieving is not just for death. It is a process we go through for many reasons. You can’t ignore the huge elephant in the room. To me, that is unhealthy. Everyone grieves in their own way. So, I am sorry but I don’t believe that not talking about it or sharing her feelings would be healthy.
I also don’t agree with your comment. Talking about it helps the healing process. You can’t keep it bottled up in side. Talking to others helps you to work through what ever you are going through at the time and helps with the grieving process. As time heals then things become less painful and other things take over your mind and thoughts. Even after 12 years I still talk about my marriage breakup but obviously not as often and it does not consume me as it did in the beginning. You keep blogging and talking about Jennifer for as long as you need to.
brenda, if you dont want to hear the stories she’s writing, go read another blog. There is no need for you to be a jerk. Grow up.
I’m so sad for you all. Even MckDaddy. Prayers for sure. It’s hard to pray for someone that’s wronged you, and that you’re mad at, but we’re supposed to. I’ve been praying for my ex for a long time. I don’t like doing it, not even gonna lie about that. Hugs.
I don’t know how you write about him like you do. I think he’s an ass who has abandoned his family.
Thank you for saying this, I was wondering all along why someone doesn’t just call it like it is….Im not sure who he thinks he is that he can just leave….there HIS kids too, Jennifer doesn’t get the option of leaving he shouldn’t either
That is exactly what I keep thinking. I can think of nothing that I could ever do in my marriage to make my husband abandon his children. She keeps taking the blame for hurting him, but seriously, what could she have done to make him forget his children? She keeps saying “oh how he must be hurting” Lets stop feeling bad for a man who cant be man enough to take care of his children.
Because nothing productive comes from that line of thinking. We all have a natural, even visceral reaction to a father walking away from his children but why not try and be empathetic instead. Just TRY and see why someone could walk away. It’s not normal so why not give him the benefit of the doubt. Our society has become all about a child centered world, adults be darned. Sometimes adults need help too and a little compassion goes a long way. What if he was at his breaking point and he was going to harm his children if he didn’t walk away? We’ve all heard the news stories and in those cases we wish the mother or father had walked away. If Casey Anthony or Susan smith had just walked away we’d be applauding with what we know now. We can all be judgemental, self righteous and assuming but unless you are in his head it doesn’t help anything.
Well if that’s the case then he should have figured out 4 children ago that he couldn’t handle the stress that comes with having 5 children. If in fact he walked away because he was going to harm his children then I hope he is seeking the help that he needs. But I doubt that is the case. So I am standing my self righteous, assuming, and judgmental ground.
You don’t deserve this. They don’t deserve this. Make sure he is deserving of all of you when he wants to be home.
I am so sad for you and your children. Mostly for the children. My husband and I divorced when my boys were 2 and 3. As good a father as C was when we were married, he divorced the kids as well. They did see him for regular scheduled visits,but he was never available for random phone calls, boy scout meetings, graduations…the boys were so hurt by what appeared to be his “lack of interest”. They grew up wanting so much more from him, and both harbored hurt and anger when it came to their dad. C died 7 years ago when the boys were 21 and 22, leaving my sons with much unfinished business. He was cremated, and they were both able to write notes that they lay on his chest to “take with him”. I know for a fact that each of them told him how much they loved him. Because they did. It was just too late for them to know how much he really loved them back. And that is the saddest story my heart will ever know..
Sending many good thoughts and prayers to your children. (By the way, my boys are fine, loving young men with big hearts and they are not afraid to speak their love.)
Your story is so sad. I am so sorry I am sure working double duty is what made your sons who they are today.
When my husband did what he did to our family, it destroyed me. You are so much stronger than I was. I was so worn down at that point, sleep deprived for 20 years……I don’t think that helped. But he is a driven man and I did everything I knew how to support his dream….unfortunately I didn’t realize he did nothing to support mine.
Actually doing some research on it….a man abandoning his family happens all the time. I know I was shocked to learn this. But following Rejoice Ministries I found that this wasn’t that happenstance. It happens all the time. With Christian men. Shocking. I mean we were music ministers together! How can this be? Yet, it was there all the time.
Blew me away that I didn’t just “miss it” by a few inches……but by a whole football field. It didn’t matter how much I tried, how much I put into it; how much I worked. For based on that alone we would have been successful. Only God knows each mans sorrow, each mans pain & each mans joy. Only God knows why we are the way we are. Why we process things the way we do. Why we react in certain ways, based on our own life experiences, every nuance that makes us who we are. Only God knows the woven tapestry that is our hearts, our essence, our very being. ONLY God knows Israel and why he is where he is right now. Not his parents, not his minister, not his wife…….nor his children. Only God.
I’m so sorry for your pain and for the sorrow of your children’s hearts. Their hearts are being damaged everyday by being abandoned by their Dad and their’s not a dam thing you can do about it. Except pray. Cry out to God. Believe. Trust in the ONE who knows all and WHO loves you, your children & Israel more than anyone on the face of this earth. Only God can give you beauty for ashes. Only God can heal a pain like this……..it seems like it takes forever. Sometimes with pain this deep, this wrong…… it’s something we carry with us the rest of our lives.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Praying for you and trying to support you anyway I know how on this end. I wish you well.
Crying for you. Hurting for you. Praying for you. PROUD of you! I don’t have a lot of words of wisdom today. You are a strong person and those kids are sooooo lucky to have you. God bless you Jenifer!!
Jennifer,
I have commented once or twice but never this in depth. I have been reading your blog since Stellan got sick and continue to check it on a daily basis. I have cheered, cried, and (continue to) pray for you. Two weeks ago I had a dream that I posted and passed the title of this book to you; I had that dream again last night…
Go to your local library and check this book out. Its message will help you to renew faith in yourself and what you can accomplish and the photography will amaze (and astound) you. Don’t judge the book on the knee jerk reaction of who the author is….give it a shot. I PROMISE you won’t be disappointed.
This Is Gonna Hurt: Music, Photography and Life Through the Distorted Lens of Nikki Sixx.
Author Nikki Sixx
I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be okay. God has laid a heavy load on you and your family, and your HEART, and unfortunately the world is here to watch you go through it – but we also get to see how you handle it. I believe with all my heart that you ARE a strong woman, one who will fight every step of the way for God, your children, yourself & your husband. You are going to give 1000% to keep your beautiful family together and if your husband decides to still stay away, you have one that has never left your side and HE never will. You also have all of us who love you and care about you and your family. We can’t fill the void that your husband has left you with, but we are here to pray for you every day and to listen. Women are a good support system, and sweetie, you have a plethora of woman at your disposal. Take care Jennifer. Know that you are in our heart & prayers.
I’ve never commented, but I’ve followed since Stellan was sick. I prayed for him, and I’ll pray for your family now. I honestly never thought we had much in common, but now we do in a way. I lost my husband to cancer in December. He was 32. We had a 2 year old and a baby on the way. I am now raising a three year old and a newborn by myself. You’re right- nights are hard. Life isn’t fair, and children are supposed to have their earthly fathers too. I know God’s plan is always best, and I’m thankful my husband isn’t sick and suffering anymore. He’s perfect in heaven. But we miss him, just like you and your children miss your husband.
I’m reading “Jesus Calling,” and I feel like He uses it to speak to me daily.
Keep praying and trusting in Him. That’s my plan.
Love and prayers to you and your family.
sending you love and positive, healing vibes. I think you are doing a tremendous job and that you are an admirable woman. and I am so very sorry this is happening to you and your lovely family. But this will pass, you and your children will find strength and confidence in each other and in God and grow from this trial. It is always darkest before the dawn. So take a moment to hold yourself tight and feel the love around you.
As today marks the 3rd anniversary of my surgery which caused a pain disease,Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. I’m 20 & in the last 3 years I have lived in physical agony everyday as it feels as though lit gasoline is running through my nerves. I could choose to view today as an anniversary of the worst day of my life, that shattered my life as I knew it. I could think that in the past 3 years I have known nothing but constant pain & the awful side effects that come with a long term illness. However, just as everyday since March 4,2009, I’m choosing positivity. I’m going to remember how blessed I am to have family & friends that support & love me. Instead of focusing on what I have lost,I am opting to be thankful for all that this disease has “given” me: a new outlook on life, a better relationship with my parents, appreciation for the little moments when the pain is at a 7 & not a 10. I am thinking of those who are so much worse off than me, because there always is someone.
To sum it up: count your blessings, choose positivity & remember there is always someone who is suffering much worse than you.
Sending you positive vibes for happiness & comfort in your difficult time
My heart aches for you all. I hope and pray that your family can be repaired and soon. We’ve seen two families blessed this year and they say good things come in 3′s right? Here’s hoping #3 happens quickly. Until God answers your prayers, stay strong. You have our support. I only wish it could be more. ((hugs)) Tara
I still…
Nearly four years after he walked out of our home and daily lives…
But there is hope, and there is peace, and there will be strength you never knew you possessed.
As long as you cling to your Heavenly Father.
A song on repeat in my head and heart these days: A Thousand Things, by Crista Wells
God will work in you and through you. I’m just beginning to see the ways He’s using this all for His glory.
Praying peace for you all.
Laura
Jennifer, you are being very brave and very strong. You’re doing such a good job – just what you have to do. I’m so proud of you, and praying for you and your family.
May you find inspiration in some or all of this lady’s remarkable story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jj-RJ4k9c04&feature=player_embedded
Wow, what an amazing story. I learned something today. Now that’s a Hero!!!
Praying for someday.
Jennifer – One of your posters Venus1 said something that I want to tell you that I have also seen for some time. Your husband has always looked troubled in most of the pictures you have ever posted, IMHO anyways. I picked up on this especially when you were travelling around the country last summer. At first I just thought he was an introspective person, but then there were times when the rest of you looked joyous and free and easy and embracing fun, and he continued to have a troubled look about him.
So I agree that whatever caused this break is not something that happened in a short time, but has most likely been brewing inside of him for some time. I have no answers for you other than to say that I hope that somewhere he can pull deep down inside and find a way to bring his children back into his life, and know how much even a little effort would mean to them.
Counseling is a wonderful idea, for all of you. It will give you a place to vent where YOU yourself do not have to come up with answers but your children can express opinions in a safe setting with a safe counselor.
You are giving your children now exactly what they need – LOVE – and your strong faith and between the two, it is a strong buffer against the pain and confusion. You are quite an incredible Mom to your kids and one who is always one step ahead of the game in bringing joy and happiness (and good food!!!) into their lives. Making the decision to send them to school was a selfless one and definitely something they are thriving with. You must be in a good school district with great teachers for ALL of them to be so happy with school! You could have gone the other way, especially in these tough times, but I don’t believe it would have served their best interests – so kudos to you for allowing this whole new world to open up for them.
Didn’t know Lachlan ever cried!!!!!! Hehe
Perfectly said Lisa. You expressed everything I was struggling to get out.
Jennifer, keep the faith. I can’t imagine everything you’re going through. I also agree with Melissa. When and if he decides to come back, make sure he’s worthy and deserving of all of you.
Always in my prayers.
I know you are a strong woman and can get through it even if it is just a day at a time but I really hopes he waked up and at least wants to see the kids. They are amazing kids and need him (also I think he needs them). Just keep loving your kids and doing what you are doing. Put it in God’s hands and just keep taking one step at a time! I’m praying for your entire family.
When I saw the pictures in your prior post, I thought to myself, “How could he leave those adorable kids?” It reminded me of when I was little and my father wouldn’t come to our events or promise to come and never show up. My grandma, my mom’s mom, would always say, “Well, we are the lucky ones. He’s missing all of this!” and then take her arms and make a sweeping motion to us (my siblings and me) when he missed our events (birthdays, etc.). I know it didn’t feel like it, but you were the “lucky one” at Big Mac’s event. And your kids will love you forever.
Be strong in the Lord and in the power of HIS MIGHT!
Loving you and yours and sending prayers your way. I wish I could help bear your pain.
Love,
Dianne
I have been reading your blog for sometime now but this is my first time to comment. First off, you are a strong, beautiful woman with gorgeous children! I find myself looking forward to reading your posts and I don’t even know you. I am praying for your family everyday and for God to continue to give you the strength you need to get through this chapter. I have witnessed God’s love and faithfulness in a marriage that was so broken! HE can and HE is listening to your prayers. I admire you for reminding your children how much their Daddy loves them and continue to tell them of their Perfect Father in Heaven. Those are words I would have liked to hear growing up with a father who chose alcohol instead of his family!
Xoxo
God bless you all~ Erica
I thought of you and the kids this week. My husband was gone for 3 days for work. He travels a good but, but it is not usually that many days in a row. As my kids were missing their daddy, I really hurt for all of you. God frequently brings all of you to mind. All I can do is to pray. I know you and the kids will be fine. So, usually I pray for Mckdaddy. I pray that God will grab hold of him and heal his heart and bring him back to all of you before it is too late.
Hang in there and rest on the many prayers sent up for you when things are just too rough to handle.
Tears are just pouring down my face after reading that. Is it OK to say that it was beautifully written…when it is full of such pain? My heart aches for those poor 5 little ones and their confusion and hurt. And for you.
I agree, I was so sad. I know we don’t know the whole story but damn Israel please see or call your kids!
I commented on your Facebook status too, my favorite verse:
‘The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
And saves those who are crushed in spirit. ‘
Psalm 34:18
I am praying for you and your family, I know there are are few of us out here that are. Although I have never gone through what you are going through, as a mother I understand the desire for things to be perfect for your children. Even as hard as it must be for you in this situation, I imagine the pain you must feel for your children is nearly unbearable. How blessed we are to not have to bear pain alone, although it doesn’t always feel that way.
Anyway, I hope that it comforts you in some way to know that many of us are thinking of you, crying with you, and praying for you.
I am an attorney and this is called plain old abandonment. This isn’t a separation or divorce, this is abandonment. Does he know he is responsible for child support? And that that can be required financially or with childcare? This is more simply being called a heartless bastard. You allow your family to go hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt and then bail? SO low. Don’t say he must be hurting. He is DOING the hurting. When you are single or childless you can say you are hurting and need a break, but when five kids are involved, that isn’t acceptable for a human being. You have to deal with your stuff and still maintain your responsibilities.
That said, God promises in the old testament that he will give the Israelites (no pun intended) back the years the locusts ate. I pray that he will give these children these years back. That grace will wash over the injustice of their hurts. I’m just so angry for you. Not that that helps.
“That said, God promises in the old testament that he will give the Israelites (no pun intended) back the years the locusts ate. I pray that he will give these children these years back. That grace will wash over the injustice of their hurts…”
Yes. Amen.
I’m just so very sorry you guys are going through this.
I know there are a lot of comments asking “How could you put up with this from him???” and things of the like, but what would they have you do? You’re just doing your best with the cards you’ve been dealt, which is all any of us can do.
Praying for you. And the kids. And their daddy.
I am praying for you and your husband. Every situation is so different and yet very similar in some ways. I remember my counselor telling me that she would not be surprised if God healed Darin’s heart toward our daughter first. It is not that he didn’t love her but he wasn’t around a whole lot either for the first year of her life. I am telling you this because that helped me brace my emotions and expectations of Darin when he started coming back around. I just wanted him to spend time with our daughter and I knew in time with God amazing power he could begin to fix what was so terribly broken between us. God is with you! I am praying that one day you and your husband will stand together and say…
I did
We did
and we are
because Jesus did!
To believe for restoration is harder than anyone knows. I am telling you it’s worth all the pain. It is so worth it! I just can’t say it enough. All the songs you have song in church you are living now. You are gaining an understanding that doesn’t come unless you walk through it. I pray God gives your counselor divine insight as she meets with all of you.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto thine own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your paths.
We are praying for you, don’t give up just yet, pull up your boot straps, and wait! You can do this!
Julie Sims
Jenn, Thinking of you tonight and sending prayers and good vibes. I ahve experienced a small amount of what you are going through only on a more permanent level (death). It isn’t easy as you know. I ahve been following this blog for about 3 years and I think Sarah will be a comfort to you. She is also a mother to 5 kids 6 and under and her husband left them leaving her to solely provide for her kids. She is very inspirational and is a Christian as well. Sarah is humorous and committed and as an aside, a photography buff from New Mexico!! Check her blog out and let me know via email what you think. Inspiration from anywhere is good for the soul, body and mnd when you feel alone and isolated. She has surely wqlked in your shoes…more than once! http://kingdomtwindom.net/
Laurayne
Luckily, for Jennifer, she already knows Sarah and is friends with her. I think from something posted a while ago, Sarah has already been able to provide some comforting words for Jennifer. So nice to have someone to talk with that has gone through something similar.
Praying for you, your husband and your kiddos, Jennifer!!! Stay strong sweetie! You are doing a great job given your circumstances.
Sarah and Jennifer are friends. One of her last posts was written for Jennifer.
I am so hurt for you! I am so sorry that you are hurting! I will continually pray for you and your family! That is what we need to be for one another, prayer warriors! Being a mom myself, it brings tears to my eyes to read your pain, and the pain your children are feeling. So I lift you up to our mighty God who is more powerful than we are. He will get you through each moment of every day that you feel your strength is gone, He is carrying you, Jennifer, you and your family.
I did
pray for you.
and
their Daddy
love Karen xo
Looking at the blog photo of McKdaddy, it seems as if he already had a lot of pain in his eyes. Pain that was probably there for a long time and that he tried to cover up. Men do that, don’t deal with things. Stuff it, cover it up. So I’m sure you or the kids didn’t bring that all on, maybe the bankruptcy accelerated it. When we went through a bankruptcy 20 yrs ago is when my first husband left for a woman in our Sunday School class of which he was the teacher. I don’t think he could face feeling like a lose with us and she built him up. He still has all that stuffed inside somewhere but now he looks just plain creepy. I am hoping and praying McMan will be a man and deal with it and get responsible. Just thinkin’.
I never comment, i just follow. This made me cry. I’m sorry, thats all I can think to say. I want to hug you and cry with you and I don’t even know you. I’m sorry! And someday with the help of God YOU WILL be able to say I did! And as far as I’m concerned right now you are doing a great job! Praying for you ! Shelly
Thank you, Shelly.
It’s OK and normal to feel sad, mad, confused, etc… You are doing a GREAT job dealing with your new life (nightmare). But… as painful as it is – you must go thru the stages of grief. What you are feeling is normal and expected. It hurts soooo bad. Eventually it wont hurt as bad as it does now. I wish I could make you feel better. Hang in there J!
I am sad for all of you.Our family went through very tough times,in time we healed.I am praying for you all that this will happen for you too.Your beautiful children are so Blessed to have you,but w know they need him too.We that only know you through what you can post do wonder how could he not be a part of these beautiful innocent children’s lives.Praying and thinking of you often.