Dear Lachlan,
Today you are one month old. I write you this letter so that one day, when you are a big boy who can read, you will know what a special part of our family you were, right from the very beginning.
One year ago, you were but a twinkle in Daddy’s eye, Lachlan. We saw that twinkle, but we didn’t yet know it was a baby. Our wildest dreams were about to come true. Amazingly, they were dreams we didn’t even realize we were dreaming. At Christmastime, I discovered that you were growing inside of me. Wow, what a beautiful surprise that was!
Only able to keep the knowledge of the little light flickering deep within me a secret from Daddy for a few hours, I shared with him our special news. I let him know he would become a father for the fifth time. I wrapped up this little yellow marble in a tiny box with a bow.
Daddy was totally unsuspecting as he opened it. Unsuspecting turned to surprised which turned to full of joy. Yes, almost instantly, Daddy was happy. You were our son, you were always meant to be in our family, and soon I would come to know that you held something very special in your hand. I was so full of joy at the news that we were being given another baby, Lachlan. And I was scared, too. I knew how to take care of, how to love and how to be a mother to your sister and brothers. Would I have what it took to add you to our family? You began to grow and grow inside of me, sweet son, yet I didn’t yet realize that it was not what I had that mattered. It was what you had.
Your brothers and sister were so excited to learn that they would be getting a new little baby sibling. We announced our joyful news with pride to anyone who would listen. Stellan would be a big brother. I would be a mama again. We would become a family of seven.
As you grew bigger, I loved to feel you tumble in my belly, Lachlan. I loved you already. But I had no idea, just no idea at all, how that love was going to manifest itself by the time you were in my arms as a perfect one month old dream of a baby. I knew I loved you then, baby boy. Yet I had no idea I would love you like this. Love you so much it hurts.
Time went on and your cozy little home grew bigger and bigger. As the time neared for us to meet you, Lachlan, we thought about that happy day with smiles on our faces.
I remember drawing breath and clutching my stomach when I first saw this image of your tiny face. You were perfect. You were ours. You were Lachlan. Indeed, I could not wait to meet you. It was such a joyful time.
But bigger joys yet awaited us. My heart was feeling different, although I couldn’t exactly say why. You were another baby, a fourth sweet boy, and I knew what this would feel like. After all, I had your three brothers before you as well as the amazing gift of a little girl. I knew what to expect and was so thankful.
Oh, but Lachlan, my expectations were wrong. You came out from your dark, soft cocoon and you fit perfectly in my arms. But there was more. I thought I saw something in your hands, though I couldn’t make it clearly out. Your fresh, damp butterfly wings beat against my cheek as I held you close. When you emerged, Lachlan, you changed me. All at once, without warning, I was being reborn. But I didn’t quite understand it at first.
It was something I never imagined happening, this rebirth. Yes, you have been a special part of our family since the very beginning, my baby. A piece of the puzzle we never dreamed we were even missing. Suddenly, your love flooded over me. I realized the change you were bringing to my life. As I started to know you as my son, I became adrift in an ocean of joy. At once, I held your siblings closer than I ever had. I vowed to love your Daddy fiercer than I had before. To see with clarity the amazing, priceless, fleeting gift that family is. Suddenly, the exhaustion, the chaos, the sleepless nights…all of the things I had been worried about before you were born disappeared into the distance. I haven’t noticed those for a whole month, Lachlan. All I notice is you, your love and the way you are changing our family so beautifully. I never knew there was such a deeper level to my life as a mother to five children that I was missing out on.
Until you. In one beautiful month, you have taught me more about life and love than I can explain to you in this letter. I can’t explain it, because I don’t completely comprehend it.
One thing I know, though. Finally I understand, sweet Lachlan, because your love has helped me to see. Becoming a mother again, being the vessel that helped to create you, didn’t have anything to do with me or what I had. I know now that it has always been all about you. You possessed all the love and peace that each of us in our family would need as we added a fifth child. All we needed to do was meet you, hold you, breathe you in deeply.
As I stroke your perfect skin tonight, your warmth helps me realize what it was that has been in your tiny hand. It was my heart. And it still is. You hold my heart in your hand, sweet baby boy. And, although I didn’t know it fully until now, you always have. How I survived as long as I did without you, Lachlan, I am sure I will never understand. I simply long for you to understand what a special part of our family you have always been. An integral, vital, eternally important part.
I love you so much it takes my breath away, Lachlan. Happy one month birthday.
Love,
Mama
hi thanks for the blog.
This is beautiful and really helpedme! I’m pregnant with our 4th child and am battling brutal morning sickness and fatigue, I have wondered over and over if we made the right choice by getting pregnant again and I am very happy to see your post
This is exactly how I felt after with my fifth. It has completely changed me. I so wish I knew/understood ‘then’ what I know now. My baby is 18 months old now and I am looking forward to another (someday) and am sure that adventure will be even more amazing.
It is so wonderful to see mothers revelling in being mothers. And mothers who are anxious to be WITH their children.
Congrats! He is simply darling.
That was just precious! Happy happy to him, he sure knows he is loved beyond measure!
What an amazing letter to your baby boy! So sweet, so from the heart and so personal to share with us all. Thank you!
Dang – now you’ve got me crying at work girl!!! That was beautiful!
Tears are just streaming down my face. My mom told me when I was expecting my second that you’re love doesn’t divided having more than one, it multiplies! And how true that is.
What an exquisite letter. A complete treasure for your littlest man.
What a beautiful post!! Thank you for sharing!! I feel that same way everytime I have another one!! It’s a beautiful thing!!
Such a cute little guy you got! Makes me want to leave work and go home to my two little ones ! What a blessing children are!
What an awesome post for your son. He is truly beautiful.
~Sue
http://armylifeadventures.blogspot.com
What an awesome thing to do for your son. Your son is beautiful!
~Sue
http://armylifeadventures.blogspot.com
What a beautiful letter. You are one blessed momma. Have a great day!! God bless.
Nice, no more comments from me I guess! *gags*
Mckmama! Enough baby worship! You are making it seem as though you are not at all interested in your other children. I’m sure that’s not the case, but gag! Yesterday’s post? You’re welcome? Seriously? You are sooo deluded and if it is true that people actually beg you for pictures, then that’s even sadder—like there aren’t enough???? This letter should have been a private one if it truly meant anything.
Ahh yes. There’s always one of these.
If you are that sick of reading her blogs, then guess what?!?!? STOP READING IT!! lol Personally, i LOVE her entries!!!
I normally really really love Mckmama’s blog, but lately…man. If you are a good business woman then feedback means something to you. Just giving my feedback.
I love that you wrote to your little one! So wonderful!
Amazing. What a perfect way to express your love for your new baby boy.
I have always said it’s hard to put into words the love we have for our children…but you did a pretty good job.
You may have already addressed this, but did his little heart problem resolve itself already? I hope so!!
God bless you and your precious family.
Absolutely beautiful!! Your love is contagious and from these responses, causing others to love deeper and told more tightly. There is nothing like the gift of LOVE. After all, it cause our Father to send His son to die.
caused*
Thank you for sharing that beautiful letter with us. I have a 2 and a half year old daughter and a 6 month old son, and I remember vividly having those same feelings when they were each placed in my arms as newborns- like my heart wasn’t my own anymore.
Lachlan is precious, and I absolutely LOVE the pic of all 5 kids together. What a sweet, adorable family!
I’m just dying for that sock monkey Ally Zabba blanket. It’s my favorite one they make!!
Wow…looking at Stellan’s eyes as he’s holding up 5 fingers, you can tell he’s still not feeling great after the ablation. What a contrast to him now…amazing! He is a beautiful, smiling, healthly little boy and you can see it in his eyes…so happy for you all!
Forgive the naive-sounding non-mother here but it really struck me in this post how accurate those 3-D ultrasounds are! Jennifer should do a side-by-side picture of the ultrasound and one of Lachlan’s first pictures. That’s amazing!
What a beautiful letter!
Happy 1 Month Birthday little one!
What a beautiful, heartfelt letter.
i have chills all over. that was the sweetest post ever. amazing how mckflurry has added so much to your family. i kept waiting to see what was in his hand… SO SWEET that it’s your heart. he is beautiful. and so is your heart mckmama!
southern love and prayers from alabama.
it is amazing how God can bring such peace, love & joy to us that we thought we already had, He makes it even better! Glad you found this all with your amazing & beautiful son!!!!!!!!!!!!
tara
This brought me to tears this morning… We are expecting our second baby any day now and I have been filled with fear and anxiety over how it will affect the bond between myself and my daughter. Your letter has brought me a new perspective and a peace in my heart – thank you!!
simply beautiful! soak it up! soak it all up!
You are one very lucky woman!!! Cherish every moment with you beautiful brood!
Truly beautiful. Thanks for sharing.
So sweet!
What a beautifully written letter to your son.
Beautiful letter & stunning picture of the babe in the end!
Thank you for all your uplifting posts. I love them as they make me feel even closer to my children. They remind me in a subtle way to cherish these days (even the exhausting, tear filled, screaming tantrum days) and play, laugh and love more often. These days will go too quick. The messy house will still be here. There will always be dishes, laundry, sweeping and scrubbing but there will come a time where the cuddles on the couch and playing dinky cars and barbies will be few and far between and then gone all together. Today and the days to come I am going to breathe in my children and smell their sweet 2 and 3 year old smell and tickle their tiny toes and play on the hard floor until my rear is numb. Above all I will be thankful for them and who they are.
“The cleaning and scrubbing, will wait till tomorrow,
for Children grow up,as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs.Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep……”
I just finished a conversation with my sister telling her about your blog and how encouraging it’s been lately for me to come and read on here about how your perspective & things have changed since having Lachlan. Your post about saying ‘yes’ more and talking about how thankful you are have been so encouraging for me to read.
I had a moment like that today where I wanted to get some gardening done and our 3 yr. old son asked me to draw him a road (with chalk) on the driveway. My first response to him, while edging the garden, was “sweetie mommy is too busy right now for that, can’t you try drawing your own road?” But as soon as the words left my mouth, I stopped, looked at his precious little tanned face and blue eyes, and said “Actually, that sounds like a great idea, can you help me find some chalk?” … and off we went to collect chalk & he was thrilled to have a new road to ride his bike on.
haha, I totally didn’t mean to post all that, but just wanted to say thanks for sharing with us all ~ your perspective and calm as a mother is so refreshing for me to come and read along with and you inspire me!
That being said, I totally give all the glory to the Lord for what he is doing in your heart and life… cause ultimately it is Him working through you that is encouraging me
You are so right. God is using Mckmama in a wonderful way for all us mamas.
Thank you for letting me know about how you have been encouraged.
Loved the letter to Flurry! I’ve been wanting to sit down and write one to our first son (long awaited and conceived after years of trying and finally thru IVF) who is due on Nov. 23rd. This has jumpstarted me! I need to get it done for sure.
I love the newness of him to you though you “done this” 4 times before. It’s just neat that it’s made you feel the way it has. Thanks for sharing!
Oh my goodness this brought tears to my eyes! It is so beautiful! We too have a new addition to our family, our little girl Andie is 5 weeks old, she is our second and I don’t think I could have ever put into words the way you did the feeling of completeness she has brought to our family. Thank you so much for sharing this!
My son is 5 weeks old too. What day was your baby born?
Beautiful and sweet! Happy 1 month to your sweet #5! I love the pics of your belly too ?
Oops that “question mark” was supposed to be a happy face ?
crucify me, I’m sure someone will ….
but that was totally weird and forced sounding. I’ll be shocked it this isn’t micromanaged and deleted, but it’s just my opinion…..
Crucify me if you will, but your comment was totally judgmental and negative sounding. It’s just my opinion, but you sound like you may be discontent with life and feeling the need to try to bring another down. Here’s hoping for peace and a positive spirit for you someday!
I love my life and my kids, but newborns have never filled me with “love” as such… They are hard work… Well, for me they have been… Even though I make a concious effort every hour of every day to chill out and say yes and play and be crazy… I’m still glad though when they go to bed at 7 and I can go for a long run
I absolutely love, cherish and savor every minute with my newborns as MckMama does. Just because you don’t doesn’t mean others feel the same way. Every time I have a baby I am so in love and can’t wait to have another one – yes, they are hard work but SOOO SOOO worth it.
I can’t believe he is already a month old, the time goes so fast!
Beautiful letter J. You should print it out and put it inside his baby book or keepsake box, if you keep one that is. This is something he’ll always treasure when he’s older.
He is so sweet. You are so blessed to have another baby Jennifer! Boy time has sure gone fast since I started following your blog and your growing family!
Just as I sat in my car on the way home tonight, I was mentally breaking down because this 4th little one that is growing inside me was a bit of a shock, to say the least…and I’ve been wondering if I will really ever love #4 as much as I love my other three. But then I read this and my fears have subsided. Just as I was as much worried about such things when incubating #2, when he was born, there was just no doubt of my love for him. No doubt. I just need to remember that God knows what He is doing and that this life is a gift from him – whether in MY plans, or not. Thank you – for being so transparent.
I felt the same way when I was pregnant with #3. We weren’t planning on another at the time and I was scared….scared I wouldn’t be able to handle 3, or love all 3. My newest son is 5 weeks old and the love I feel for him…well, let’s just say that I felt like Mckmama put on the blog what I’ve been feeling in my heart for the past 5 weeks. He has changed me.
Best wishes to you!
Happy 1-month birthday, Lachlan! I’d love for you to meet Luke. He’s only a couple of days older than you and brings us as much joy and happiness as you do for your mom and dad!
Blessings to you and your whole family!
Val
WOW! Beautifully written letter to your sweet little boy!
) What a treasure that will be to Lachlan! Makes me want to write a letter to each of my boys right now!!
A very special moment, really beautiful.
This letter was priceless! Just like Lachlan’s b&w swaddled picture.
Happy 1 month little boy!
Tiff
What a beautiful treasure, this letter you have written to your baby boy. Totally missing having a baby of my own. My children are 9 and 7. If you have an extra 90 minutes you need to check out the film ‘Babies’. It follows 4 babies from 4 different cultures from birth to first words/steps. It will make you laugh, cry and want to snuggle all of them!
“An integral, vital, eternally important part.” Beautifully stated and I know so deeply felt! It’s almost impossible to explain that sense of eternal, perfectly fitting “rightness” of a family that’s meant to be together and stay together but you have done it. And when times get tough or there are bumps in the road, I’ll bet Lachlan won’t be the only one rereading this letter to regain that sense of the eternal! Loving knowing you! SC
Ditto, friend! I’m learning about “eternally important” from you, too, you know!
Congrats on a beautiful baby and sweet, sweet family. What color is that babe’s hair? In some pics it looks blonde, and in some pics it looks darker… just curious.
Oh, and I definitely see the resemblance between Flurry, Big Mac & Small Fry.
Lachlan’s hair is medium brown…with blondish roots in some places!
I’m guessing he’s going to be a blondie!
brown with blonde roots… like a reverse dye job
Too cute!
What a beautiful baby ! And a beautiful letter too.
It inspires me as much as this one http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html …the Birth Story of Nella…her mom is a great photographer
Love her blog as well! Nella is such a cutie and Kelle Hampton’s love of life is evident thru her blog. Her blog was an incredible inspiration to me when I was given 1:17 odds of Baby Luke having Down Syndrome. We welcomed Luke into the world on July 29th without the extra bit of magic (as Kelle likes to refer to T21), but we love him just the same…ha! Her “Poppa” even left me a couple of comments letting me know that I would be a wonderful mother to Luke, whether he had DS or not! Incredible family…very inspirational!
I’m still in awe over his name. I love it.
This is such a sweet post…it nearly brought me to tears. Makes me can’t wait until I have children of my own.
what an incredibly raw and sweet post, i mean letter! God has surely blessed you
Well what a darling name!
{smiley face with wink}
Yeah, it’s a pretty rad name.
A good friend of mine helped me come up with it and finally select it as our name!! Thank goodness my husband loved it, too!
I was looking up the meaning of “Lachlan” and saw it’s been almost the number 1 baby name in Austrailia for the last 10 yrs or more, so you need tol teach him to say “G’day mate” when he gets older and can talk!
Awesome, amazing! Loved it!! My question is…where did you get Stellans Big Brother shirt? Never seen one like that and I love it!! Second, what brand are the colorful orange and blue onesies with the white stitching? I want them too!!!
I mean one onesie was orange and the other I saw on another post was blue.
Stellan’s big brother shirt is from Carter’s…I got it at the outlet, so I’m not sure really what “season” it came from. And the red and blue onesies with the contrast stitching (the stitching looks white, but I think it is light colors like yellow) are from the brand Oink. I love Oink because they have bright clothes even for young babies. I love bright!
Thanks!! Sorry to be a pain. I’ve looked everywhere online and cannot find any onesies like that. All I’m seeing for Oink are onesies with pigs on them. Could you include a link where I could find them?
Oink is a brand. The onuses are a few years old; I don’t have a link, sorry! Try Oink Baby, that’s the full brand name. Or Jaffa, as Oink is the baby line of the Jaffa kids’ brand. Hope that helps!
God is so good! We certainly are blessed with the children He gives us
I have 6 now and each time I have enjoyed them more! I am so glad we moved beyond the two children or we would have never realized how enjoyable they are. I love, love , love my babies!! (and my bigger ones:) ). I’m so glad you ate out there sharing the joyous side of motherhood! Our society needs to understand that children are a blessing not a curse!
Bl
Aw I’m in tears! I ‘only’ have two small children but you can get so caught up in the day-to-day. You’ve inspired me to look at the bigger picture, as well as slow down and take it moment by moment. I’m trying to say yes more often… is it really going to matter a year from now…a month from now, even?…if my 2 year old watches one more cartoon? In 20 years when my house is empty, will I wish I would of sat and cuddled more, or gotten up to do those pesky dishes? your posts constantly remember to not just love and care for my children, but to ENJOY them.
Everything you said about your 5th blessing is how I feel about my son…but have never found the words…he is amazing and your whole family is! Thank you for sharing these intimate words with us! God has truly blessed you and yours!!
Oh dear. That was simply one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. And what makes it so much more beautiful, is that I have been feeling almost EXACTLY the same way about my newborn son, my little Stellan. He has changed my life, even though he’s my 3rd child. I haven’t been able to explain it although I tried. This is just perfect. Thank you. And I’m so happy for you and your family.
God bless you….even more, that is. 
Yes, He has blessed me! And you, too, it sounds!
Wowza. This had me teary. There is something to be said about the unexpected in life and its way of giving new insight and perspective. He is beautiful and your words to him will most certainly be a treasure one day when he is old enough to read and understand. Snuggle your gorgeous bundle….he’s growing too fast!
Tears….your letter is so full of love that I wept for you and Lachlan. So very beautiful! You are so blessed with a gift of words and I am so glad that you were willing to share these special and intimate words about your love with us. You are a wonderful mama and I strive to be as great with my kiddos as I see you with yours.
Many more blessings…
Beautifully written!! Happy 1 month Bday Sweet Babe!
You are one lucky boy to have such an awesome mama like you do!
Love ya Mckmama you inspire me to be a better mom and do enjoy all that I have and my sweet lil’ family!! Thank you!
Tara
Thank YOU for your encouragement, Tara!!!
You are such an amazing mother. ♥ your children are so blessed to have you! Happy one month, baby L.
Do you think he affects you so much because he may be your last one?
I think she’s mostly just addicted to newborns.
Such beautiful words. I pray I can feel these things one day when we have children. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
He is just SO cute!
Beautiful words! I can only hope to feel that way about a child one day!! All your children are gorgeous!! Wishing Lachlan a happy one month from Nashville, TN
WOW!!! I am in tears!!! What a sweet letter to your baby that is!! I have really been inspired by you to really love and cherish my own family in a more deep manner. Life is way too fast, as I have seen in the lives of the 3 children I have. Thank you for the blessing of your heart and love that helps others to not take one minute of this life for granted. God bless your family and the life you share together
Thank you so much for those sweet, sweet words. It takes my breath away that anything I say about love and family would touch others. I just know how deeply my fifth baby is affecting me, and I want to share it with the world!
Sweet little sweetness!
Best,
Bonnie
beautifully said.
Beautiful!