Ready to share your own? Just the comments of my post yesterday, and a few responses on Twitter, had me rolling!! I can’t wait for more! Here were some of my favorites:
Laynefell said, “Just because people are old doesn’t mean you need to tell them that!”
Emily said, “No, you cannot just see if it will work for you too. I guarantee you are not pregnant sweetie. You are two years old. Because they are very expensive.”
Alyssainez said, “Please don’t throw the cupcake at me again.”
Hahahaha!!
What have you heard coming out of your mouth? Write you own post to share with everyone!
Feel free to grab this code and put the Out Of The Mouths Of Moms button in your post, if you want!
What’s in it for you besides traffic to your blog and hearty laughs all around? A $40 gift certificate given to one of you from the Vintage Pearl! (Also today, unrelated to Out Of The Mouths Of Moms, I will be offering yet another $40 gift certificate to the Vintage Pearl to someone who follows me on Twitter, so stay on the lookout for that one!!)
Link up here and check in tomorrow to see who won the gift certificate!
Please.. PULEASE Stop licking your sister !! You are grossing mama out.
No, I’ll wipe myself, thank you.
My 10 year old son was jumping around and not behaving the other day so my husband very frustrated says, “Kameron you are grounded from sitting down!”
I look at him and he looks at me and we both start laughing. I am like how do you ground someone from sitting – he says well let me rephrase that…Pretty funny!
In Target today:
“Please take that toy out of your pants right now…Because we do not put toys down our pants in stores…Because no one wants to buy a toy with buns germs on it.”
So, this is really an out of the mouths of babes, but it’s too hilarious not to share. My best friend has a six year old who I look at as my surrogate daughter since I don’t have any kiddos yet. I spend a lot of time watching Masynn and can pretty much handle anything she says, but this still shocked me.
One day I picked her up from school:
Me: How was school today?
Mas: It was good. We went to the health van.
Me: Oh that’s cool. What did you learn there?
Mas: That it’s bad to be fat.
Me: Oh really?
Mas: Yeah, and I’m not friends with fat people. But like you, I still love you anyway even though you’re fat.
For the record, I’m only 10 pounds over the suggested weight for my height and age.
Yep, thanks for the self esteem boost!
Hehe!! Kids always think adults are “fat” just because they are bigger than them. At least, that’s what I tell myself:) Thanks for sharing!!
A.. Honey I know i told you girls can do anything boys can do . And that is true but in this one case you do need to sit on the potty no you can not pee standing up. yes I know d dose but there are some parts d has becuse he a boy. No hunny boy are not better then girl just diffent. please just sit on the potty and go pee becuse your making a mess and getting pee all over the floor thats why
to my son .. D please take that bandaid off your penis yes i know that it red white and blue yes i do like red white and blue but your penis dose not have a boo boo thats way.
To My daugter; A honey cookies are a sometimes treat we do not eat them for breakfast.
yes we do eat oatmeal for bresfest
yes i know the cookies are made with mayple syrup and you do it that on pankcakes for breakfast
No you still can not have cookies for bresfest even with a glass of milk
i make you a nice bowl of oatmeal with maple syrup and you can pretend it cookies.
“Yes, I know that man looks like he has a baby in his tummy but he doesn’t. Only mommy’s can have a baby in their tummy” (of course he was the server at our dinner table & Erika was NOT quiet or giving up on him having a baby in his tummy!!!!)
Oh dear!!!
Just 5 minutes ago:
I don’t care if your brain made you get up, GO BACK TO BED!!
Lately my mantra during bath time for my two boys has been: “No playing with each other’s pee-pees!!”
“I don’t know if Dora and Spiderman are friends. No, I can’t send them a text message. No, I can’t call him. Because they really don’t have phone numbers. They are real in a cartoon sense not a human sense. Because they are drawn by artists, never mind. No, we can’t send them an email either.”
Honey please take that battery out of your mouth and put it back in the remote.
Baby, stop playing in the toilet! No! Do not drop that roll of toilet paper in in the toilet! Stop! Put it back!
Why won’t you eat your dinner? Are you anorexic?
Gosh, I sound like a crazy mom!
Caitlin.m.livingston@gmail.com
“Driving 150mph is not safe and it’s against the law on the roadways. Because, you can loose control of your car and hit something or someone. No, 100mph is not safe either. The speed limit is 65mph and yes I am driving at that speed. Thank you for letting Mommy know there is a police car on the freeway next to us.”
No honey, it is not possible that the jawbreaker that was in your mouth, slipped out and landed on the floor as you were getting out of the tub and it ended up in your butt. The doctor will tell you the same thing. End of Discussion as I walk away and give my child a wierd look. OR My son wipes his fingers on the under part of my nose and says mom, what’s that smell?…The look of horror on my face as I slowly turn my head to him and say don’t you ever do anything like that again to anyone, any time in your life. But mom, what is that smell? Honey, that is the smell of your butt. Everybody has a certain smell to their butt and that is yours. Again, NEVER do that again!
“No, Grammie can’t have a Baby. Because her body is done having babies. Yes, it is a good idea to be married when you have a baby. No, you do not die if you have a baby. Why do you ask? Yes, babies sometimes are removed from a Mommy’s tummy by a Doctor cutting it open in a Hospital. It’s called a C-section. No, you came out of my potty and yes it did hurt a little. No, Grammie does not want to have a baby right now.”
While reading yours, I am not kidding – I could replace a few words and honestly go on record to having said the same words. (The going tee tee before swimming lessons, if Dora and Spiderman are friends, eating mini wheats after saying i’m stuffed, and aruging about going out to lunch vs sandwiches at home) Are you monitoring my household and car covertly?
Great Post!
I have a whole long list on my blog. I didn’t realize how many funny things I say on a daily basis to my child!
http://www.frazzalicious.com
“Please don’t try to stick your finger in Daisy’s (the dog) butt. I don’t think she would like that”
“We don’t play with poopy because it can make us sick”
“Please put your penis back in your pants”. “Because we don’t walk around with our penis sticking out of our pants”
“God did not give me a penis, that is why I don’t have one”.
I am potty training 3 year old twin boys right now so most of our conversations revolve around penis and poop.
Please give me more time!
I have a great list and I need until tommorow to get it together – I’ll try for tonight but My Momma skillz will be pushed to the max. (Go play outside for 30 more minutes…)
(To add to the Linky Love.)
I did start following you on Twitter.!
“Please don’t touch your penis while it has poop on it. You can touch it after Mommy wipes it but then we must wash your hands.” said to my 15 month old while chaning his diaper the other day.
No Luke, you can’t bite her either!
No Luke, you can’t pet Alice. Because she is your sister!
“You better eat now if you want to, bc that boob isn’t gonna be there forever.” husband’s response: “uh, where is it going?!”
I know you washed your hands earlier, but we’ve been digging in the garden and you have to wash them again before you can touch that sandwich! OR the cookie!
And one of my favorites, seen often in the grocery store . . . . I told you that we don’t hit!!! (Almost always said as the mom is hitting the child the comment is directed toward.)
“Sure. If you find a lizard in your pocket during naptime you can sleep with it. Yes, I think lizards take naps. Because we all take naps in this house. Well if the lizard tries to tickle you and wake you up just ask him to close his eyes and go back to sleep. “
I am sooo excited about this linky thing! The Vintage Pearl is definitely something worth playing for…love all of their stuff! Although, it is still nice to link up even if I don’t win!
“No honey, that is not called a “puff”. Well, it is actually called pubic hair. No you cant touch it. Yes, I know it looks soft. Too bad, it’s MINE. I need privacy while using the bathroom. Please leave.”
What others were hearing me say as I talked on the phone with my sister-in-law as I grocery shopped with my own baby in the cart:
“Where is it tingling? Is it the entire breast or just the nipple? Are they hard? Have they gotten bigger?”
to my son..Why did you put ketchup on the dog?? I know I said she was a hot dog but I didn’t mean that kind of hot dog..
I know they’re upsetting you, but you can’t take your nipples off. Everybody has nipples…Mommy and Daddy and Kaylin and even Swiper has nipples. No matter how hard you pull buddy, you won’t get them off.
“No, you do not tell people when Mommy or Papa goes poo-poo in the potty!”
“No Kate, rolling out of a poopy diaper is not funny.” (Not that she understood being she is only 11.5 months old!)
“Please don’t bite your toenails!”
“I didn’t really MEAN for you to go wake the baby up! I was just PRETENDING the washing machine was a tornado! There’s not really a tornado. But if there was, then yes we would go get him.”
“Please get out of your sister’s chair. You don’t have any underwear on!”
“Why did you do that?! Well, I guess if you WANT ketchup on your peaches, then that’s okay. Otherwise, do you want me to rinse it off?”
“Because the toilet can’t handle the entire roll of toilet paper at once.”
LOOOOOOVE these!!!!!
Toooo funny. I am linked up and posted. I would also love to be included in the giveaway.
http://traci66.blogspot.com/2010/07/out-of-mouths-of-moms.html
ozzykelley1 at yahoo dot com
to a friend’s 4 year old girl, who was in awe of my bitch Pepper’s many titties
” Don’t worry darling, MY MUM only has two as well”
to my godson
“No darling, don’t pull my t-shirt up to show off my belly. And no, don’t pet it and kiss it to make the baby feel good. There is no baby in there. (…) Just shame and way too many doughnuts”
I swear… (or rather, I shouldn’t)
“Please do not bite the cats ear…no, I am pretty sure he does not like it”.
“No, monkeys don’t wear pants…. Yes, that does mean we can see their butts…No, you may not go to the zoo without pants… Why? Because you are not a monkey…It’s nice that you want to be a monkey… Yes, you still have to wear pants.”
Hahahahaaaa!!!
“I’m sorry sweetie…if you stay up all night like a big boy, you still have to get up early like a big boy” said this morning after only getting 4 hours of sleep because he wanted to play at midnight!
Also, not to by son, but to my daycare, “So, how’s T doing today? Really, good…So, has he pooped today? Twice? YEAH, that’s great!” I never imagined I would be so excited about my son’s poops.
My son got in trouble one day and his dad asked him to come back to where we were and he turned around and said ” I do not have time for you dad” and walked away. ohhh man was dad hot after that.. But it is still cute after the fact..
To my 2 1/2 -year-old: “Son, please do not lick the dog. Or the couch. Or my shirt.” “Yes, the dog licks things. He’s a dog. They do that.” “Because you are not a dog and licking the dog is gross.” Unfortunately, he licked the dog anyway. (YUCK!!!!)
that is so funny! But at least he didn’t say “yum mummy” …. did he?! LOL
While shopping today at home depot….
“you do not say out loud that someone has funny looking hair when they are right next to you!”
“Because superheroes wear underwear.” This was in response to my son’s question: “Why do I have to wear underwear?”
Just five minutes ago: “Well, of course your nose will start bleeding when you put pretzel sticks in it.”
While at a local pizza place for lunch today…
Yes Nicole, you may put your own Parmesan cheese on…just do NOT lick the top of the cheese shaker….that’s gross!
I cannot figure out the linky thing so I am letting you know that I posted about the things that have been coming out of my mouth here in the comments section.
Hope this will count as my entry!
Katie
http://www.candkthomson.blogspot.com
“If you ask me what is for dinner one more time, it’s peanut butter on a stick” (note: I have never actually fed them this)
To my 3 yr. old son: “Dylan please get in the shower and wash the mascara from your eyelashes. Yes you did do a great job monkey and yes you certainly do look pretty!”
I forgot to mention another critical part of the conversation! While Dylan was in the shower cleaning off his makeup, his 6 yr. old brother Landon got in the shower and I heard him say, “D your eyes are all black from your makeup!” Boys will be boys!!
About an hour ago:
“Honey, please stop trying to put a train down my pants while I’m using the bathroom!”
Scene: My older son was feeding my younger son and my younger son bit his brother’s finger. This was my reply to my older son’s response.
” No, sweetheart your little brother can not go back in my uterus”.
Love the Vintage Pearl, beautiful necklaces..
Hahahaaa!!!!!!!
No! You can not flush golf balls down the toliet! Oh, you already did….
What if we don’t have a blog? Can we not participate?
You sure can! Just leave yours in the comment section!