out of the mouths of moms
posted on June 2, 2010
The things that we mothers (and aunts, teachers, grandmothers) say to children each day are some of life’s best comedy. But it’s no joke: Such is life as a mom! To celebrate that truth, and to give us an opportunity to commiserate and laugh together, I came up with Out Of The Mouths Of Moms. (And Heidi Stone made the sweet logo!!)
Here’s what I’ve caught myself saying lately:
“Because a razor is not a good toy for Stellan, that’s why.”
“No, we cannot keep that baby mouse. Because he needs his mama. We will leave him right there. Do not touch him. No, he would die if we tried to keep him. Because he’s too young. It looks like he was just born. Nope. Sorry, Sweetie. He needs his mama. If you love animals, you need to give them the best life. This mouse’s best life is with his mama. Well, she needs to give him breast milk for one thing. No, we cannot keep him and I ‘can just give him my breast milk.’ Well, for one thing, because I don’t want to give the mouse my breast milk. Yes, I suppose that’s true. Well, I’m pretty sure human milk isn’t the best for mice anyway. Okay, thank you. Yes, we’re going to leave him here. Why don’t you say goodbye to the newborn mouse? Alright then. Now let’s go wash our hands. I know you didn’t, but just in case.”
“Because monsters aren’t real, so there is no way I can ‘Kill that monster.’”
“Yes, I’m sure baby kangaroos probably like baby pigs.”
“Please don’t tell her that that isn’t ‘the proper’ way to draw. Because that is proper for a two year old’s drawing. Yes it is, Darling. Well, I’m telling you it is. You drew like that when you were two. Yes, you did. Because I’m your mom and I remember.”
“Is that true? Did you pinch his scrotum? Well, why would you do that? You need to apologize to your brother for hurting him. And don’t ever do that again.”
“I didn’t ask you if it looked good, I said ‘Here’s your dinner.’ Now eat it, please. Well I guess you’ll be pretty hungry, then. Fine with me. Nope, you’ll stay at the table while the rest of us eat. Alright, smart choice. You’ll be happy at bedtime that you did decide to eat dinner. No, I’m not sure what I’m making for dinner tomorrow and if it will ‘look good’ or not. Can we just try to be thankful for what we have? Alright, thanks.”
What have you heard coming out of your mouth?
If you’d like to play along, just leave your Out Of The Mouths Of Moms quotes in the comments of this post, or write your own post on your own blog and enter the post’s URL here so we can all enjoy it! If you don’t mind, I’d love to share some of your quotes that you leave in comments and on your blogs in my next Out Of The Mouths Of Moms post.
Feel free to grab this code and put the Out Of The Mouths Of Moms button in your post, too!
I can’t wait to hear what’s been coming out of your mouth!
Stop drinking the pee water! That is so gross! -(we were in the splash pool with 3 other kids)
No you cannot drink the bath water either! It has bubbles in it and you’ll get the runs! -(she drank that when we got home and were cleaning up…)
Ugh! Here is YOUR cup, that is a watering can. Please do not drink out of anything other than your own cup!
I just don’t understand…. I now BRING your cup everywhere, including the pool and bathtub, why won’t you just drink regular water… or even juice instead?!?!?
the other day my son put his face/mouth on a store window for the 1,000th time. i yelled “AIDEN GET YOUR….oh look paul he didnt even lick the window that time!!!”
These are all so funny!
My latest one: “You may not ride your sister. No, Katie-bug is not a motorcycle. She is a baby, and you may not ride her.”
When my oldest son was in preschool (7 years ago), they had a local farmer come in and talk about where our dairy products come from. He brought in some kind of contraption (teaching aid) so he could demonstrate how to milk a cow and all the kids could try.
I happened to be 8 months pregnant with my youngest son at the time.
So that afternoon, as we’re driving 50 mph down the country road, my son is telling me all about how we get milk from cows and asked if the baby will get milk from a cow too. I explained to him that the baby would get milk from me, that God created all mammals with the ability to make milk after they had a baby and that our baby would drink my milk.
.
.
.
.
.
After close to a minute of silence, my sons asks, “Mommy, are you a cow?”
I almost drove off the road laughing!
I was shocked when the following came out of my mouth the other day: “Dan, will you please just let your baby sister look at your poop so she’ll stop crying about it?”
Um. Yeah.
No! Now your balls are going to smell like fish!
My son threw some balls into a bowl of water that had fish thawing.
That is something I never thought I would have to say!
Oh My Goodness! I haven’t laughed that hard in a LONG time! THANK YOU!
i loved this post. in fact, i always look forward to when you do these. they make me laugh out loud all the time. the kids are always asking “what is so funny?”
i spent a while reading everyone else’s too. HILARIOUS!!!
i can never remember my own, but i do hold in my laughter a lot at the things i say to my kids.
looking forward to the next one…
Oh wow, these are too funny! Wish I could contribute – I’m sure I’ll say some fun stuff to my niece and nephew when I visit them next week
“Please don’t bite your sister.” pause…”because we don’t bite people.” *given a look by sweet biter child* “I am sure she tastes good, but we bite food not people.” “No, licking your sister isn’t better.”
How about “Out of the Mouths of Grade 2 Teachers”? The other day, in the first 15 minutes of class, I heard myself saying “We do NOT pick our nose and eat it in grade 2!” “Why are your shoes on your head?” “Please stop chewing on that wire – you’ll electrocute yourself!” and “I said, we don’t pick our nose in grade 2!!!”
Oh these are too funny.
“no my arms do not wobble because they had a baby in them”.
“please remember to ask before you take a flying leap and jump at me so that you can slide down my leg like a firemans pole”
“no 2am is not a good time to get up for the day please get back in to bed. Yes, I’m sure you are going to do your best sitting on your bed and waiting for it to be 6 on your clock but that is a loooong time to sit and wait – no I will not wait with you”
“I don’t care if Diego uses his zipline to get everywhere you cannot zip over the rail down the stairs”
“please stop squeezing your sisters neck and take your hands away from her”
this might be my favorite one of the bunch. “no i will not wait with you” hahahaha
At Sunday school I have the pre-kindergartners say a Bible verse after we have talked about it and explained what it means. In this case it was referring to Jesus. Me to a boy- “Repeat after me. You are the Son of God”. Boy- “I am the Son of God”. Me-”No, it is ‘YOU are the son of God”. Boy- “I know!” haha.
Hahahaaaa!!!!
This is funny!
I’m a babysitter and I’ve said many odd things:
“no, i absolutely won’t sit on you… because I will hurt you that’s why… I know you’re strong, but I promise that sitting on you will hurt you… no i won’t sit on your brother… you are allowed to sit on my lap because you are 3 and much smaller than me… no! i absolutely will not sit on you, now please stop asking!”
“Why oh why did you put that stone up your nose, how on earth are we going to get it out of there?” (next day) “now you have put a sultana up there? didn’t you learn from yesterday?”
“Ugh, please don’t try to put food in my mouth that you were just sucking on… I know it’s delicious and you just want me to try it, but I have some of my own. thankyou.”
We have a two year old daughter and a three week old son. The other night my husband said, ” Get your tongue off your brother’s head.”
Didn’t get to you before the Linky closed, but love the stories… here’s my post… that includes telling my 22 month-old “no, mama will not get naked and jump on the bed”
http://lifetimemm.blogspot.com/2010/06/out-of-mouths-of-moms.html
Hahahahahahahaaaaa!!!
heres how I clear a room, “Fine, if you dont want to leave my room while I get dressed, I can just show you now where you came from…’
Well, I guess you are right…you are circumcising the carrots.
Ahhhh!!!!!!! Love it!!!!
“no you can’t have cupcakes for breakfast’ because you can’t” it is too much sugar and you are going to school” No I am not going to pack one in your lunch either” Because they are not allowed”Oh daisy had one yesterday? well that one must have slipped by, your teacher said they are not allowed.” No you don’t need to tell your teacher that daisy had a cupcake yesterday.
Please turn the couch back over the right way. I know it makes a good boat, but I like it as a couch. Sure when you are older you can turn your couch into a boat whenever you want.
I’d love to come visit you everyday when you go to college. Sure I will definitely sleep on the floor next to your bed. If you go to the same college you and your brother can probably be roommates. I think that sounds like a great idea. I am going to remind you of this conversation when you go to college.
To my 2 almost 3 year old. “Evie please take that knife out of your nose” “Evie please pick your meat up off your underpants”
I was on the phone with my sister tonight and heard her say, “No, you can’t just pee in the dishwasher. You have to make it all the way to the bathroom.” She is pregnant with number eight, so I’m sure this is a pretty normal comment at her house!
How fun! I’ll have to start writing down all the things I say in response to the never ending stream of questions I get from my 3 year old. She comes up with some pretty good stuff and I have to get creative with my responses sometimes!
“We do not put raisins in our vaginas”
“Do you know that Jesus can see what you’re doing even if I can’t?” (said to oldest child who was harassing youngest child in the next room)
Please wait until you get into the bathroom before you pull down your pants. Because we are at the mall and you need to keep your pants on until we get to the bathroom. Not everyone in the mall wants to see your tushy.
Not only am I a mom to a two year old, but I am also a teacher. I teach fifth adn sixth grade but I still find myself saying all sorts of odd things. My favorite recently was, “And how did a ruler get stuck up your butt?” “Well, please stop poking him in the butt with a ruler, thank you.”
*in the bathroom: No, the dog may not lick the poop off your bottom instead of you wiping it. I don’t care if she wants to. Yes, you have to wipe your own bottom. No, it won’t be okay if you don’t. Yes, it will get in your undies. Yes, I wipe your sister’s bottom. Because she is a baby. Yes, I wiped your bottom when you were a baby. No, I did not wipe the dog’s bottom when she was a baby.
*walking through the store: No, that is not something you wear on your elbows. That is something ladies wear under their shirts over their girl parts. Yes, I am sure it is not for your elbows. No the dog doesn’t need four of them for her eight girl parts. Because she doesn’t. Let’s go find the shoes okay?
Oh my goodness DYING at these!!!!!!!
“I know you were playing snow white and Nathan is the apple, but please do not bite his cheek again.”
My 2 year old son had a runny nose and when I tried to wipe it he started crying. I heard myself say, “The more you cry the more snot you make and the more I have to wipe your nose. So please stop crying!” Needless to say he just gave me a blank stare!
‘Please remember that we only clean our teeth with our toothbrushes, not the vacuum, not the windows, and definitely not the cats’ teeth, thank you.’
This are funny. I am going to keep better track of the things I say to my kids.
Yesterday I heard my husband yell out the back door, “Don’t pee on your brothers and sisters!!”
About a week ago, my 5 year old asked me why I fed her milk from my booby. I told her because that is how God intended babies to be fed but some choose not to. She then said, “So if they have small boobies, they can’t do that!” (I have been “not-so-blessed I that area)! I told her, it doesn’t matter the size, God made it so women can feed their babies from their boobies if they want to!
Sorry, but I had to add that some don’t have a choice whether they can breastfeed or not. There can be medical reasons, adoption, medicines the mother needs to take, etc. which can make breastfeeding not possible though the mother greatly desired. Please don’t discount those who bottle feed as lesser mamas.
when talking to your child about breastfeeding you do not have to be politically correct….I dont think your comment was necessary.
Southern Girl, I think you are being a little over sensitive. I never once saw ConnieMae say anything about those who can’t/don’t breastfeed as “lesser mamas.” I agree with Rebecca. The child is five years old. I think ConnieMae handled the conversation perfectly. She wasn’t bashing women who can’t/don’t breasftfeed at all. She was giving a short concise reason to her five year old who would have been confused with all the extra information.
I teach pre-school. These comments happened as construction paper hermit crabs were being passed out, and a couple children had theirs first.
Yes, I know they have crabs. Don’t worry you will get crabs, too. Yes, I will make sure everyone has crabs.
Sometimes things are only funny after we realize what we just said! That one’s a riot;)
That’s stinkin’ funny!
I personally thought these were hilarious!!!!
Today I had a conversation with my almost 6 year old…
B: “….And {sister}, here is your belly-button, and inside your belly button, there is a baby.”
Me: “Oh, there is?”
B: “Yes. On the inside of everybody’s belly button is a baby. Even if you’re a little kid… or a baby….”
I seriously need to write these things down so I can show my kids the things they said.
There is a baby inside of a baby’s bellybutton!!! Ahahahahaaa!!
Where do you get the goat milk soap you twittered about?? Would love to check it out! My kids have super sensitive skin to conventional soap, shampoo, detergents, etc.
Thanks!
Guess I’ve lost my sense of humor; sorry.
These suggest to me:
1) more parental supervision is needed;
2) WAY TOO MUCH information (scrotum pinching is ‘funny’? At best, a VERY teachable moment about children’s private parts — but post it on your blog?!);
3) takes me back to last summer’s post on Maisie and the ‘adult toy’ (some things are better left unsaid, or shared among your closest friends). Embarassing – yes; funny – hardly. Do you wonder what your friend thought, that she handed it to? Am I a better person because I know you own an adult toy?
Do you ever wonder what these MSC will think some day, when they realize their learning moments are out there for ALL the world to read about?
Maybe I’ll sleep better tonight and will see these a llittle more humorously tomorrow. But I’m thinking not, on both things.
DA if you don’t like her blog then don’t read it. Are you one of those McMama haters? You know those sad people out there who have nothing better to do with their time then criticize others? And if YOU are so worried about the children’s privacy then why in the world would you use Small Fry’s real name. Seriously?
Your comment is so irritating. Why do you keep reading if it is so awful, and inappropriate?
I find it to be an awesome release for myself, a stay at home mom, who REGULARLY finds herself stumbling upon inappropriate, hilarious toddler behavior.
For example, my son said to me, “Mommy! My PENIS IS SO HUGE! After he played with it and inadvertently gave himself an erection.
Hows THAT for inappropriateness? I may just blog about it!
DA, Seriously? Why do you feel the need to be the eternal pessimist? Life is real. I guarrantee the MSC will look back in this blog and find alot of humor and love! They will also see the friendships, generosity and love that was born out of a blog about family!
You have no right to attack anyone’s parenting skills! Take your negativity far ,far away!
My son has profound hearing loss and wears cochlear implants to hear. They attach magnetically to his head, and one or the other is getting bumped off all the time. I think the #1 thing I say during the day is “Put your ear back on.”
Love this
Fancy meeting you here! 
My kids ask me all the time, especially this week since we’re at the beach and I have stayed wet and sandy all week, ‘do you have your ear on?”
We have said SO many funny things to the kids this week. Unfortunately, they all escape me at the moment.
1) My husband was laying in my son’s bunk bed and they were discussing how things are made and where they are made. My daughter was happily playing with her toys in the bottom bunk listening in… the conversation got onto “Made in china”…… Little darling from the bottom bunk pipes up “I have a gyna”.
2) We went to a birthday party the other day and my “due any day” friend walks over to say hello. As she walks away DD starts pulling on my sleeve asking what is wrong with her belly. I tell her to ask her whats in her belly. DD strolls over and the conversation was very interesting.
D: What is in your belly?
F: A baby, I am going to have a baby soon.
D: Must be a big baby… your tummy is GY-NORM- OUS!!!
3) After church last Sunday I asked the kids what they leaned in sunday school. DS retells me the account of Jesus calming the storm and tell me all about how He can calm the storm in our lives too. I turn to DD “What did you learn?”…………. “Don’t bang on the table!” LOL
4) My DS often hears me calling my DH pet names, like darling, cutie, etc… So he tried to call his dad a pet name “I love you my wilderbeast!!” LOL.
LOL!!! You can’t be mad at a toddler for making pregnancy jokes! Had it been an adult making a comment about weight, I would have DIED! But toddler? Eh! Too cute!
I love the “don’t bang on the table” answer. So something one of my kids would have said! too cute!
I have a good one:
“Do not saw your brother!” I promise it was a toy saw.
Yours are all good. Funny stuff
Oh yes, I think I’ve said, “Don’t hammer him!” (toy hammer) a few times myself.
My son picked up my husbands REAL hammer while he was putting together his swing set last week and tried to hit him with it saying “BAM BAM!” I caught it in mid-air saying “We do not bam bam on Daddy!” My husband about died from laughter.
I can’t get the button to work?????
So sorry! This was the first time we tried to use it…I’ll check into it!
LOVE the mouse conversation. Our cats recently chased a mouse around our house & my 6 year old son & 2.5 year old daughter spent the rest of the day hunting for the mouse because my daughter wanted to “hold the little baby mouse”. Too damn cute. I most certainly did not tell her she was welcome to hold the mouse should her & her brother catch it.
I. just. love. this!!!!! Fun stuff.
Lemme guess… MckNugget wanted to pick up the baby mouse? Too cute!
Thanks, MckMama!
I am a kindergarten teacher and am shocked at the things I say!!!
“Please do not put the stickers all over your body. They are supposed to be on your paper!”
“You only need one piece of paper towel, not 20!”
“If you feel like you are going to throw up please go to the bathroom. Do not just sit there at your table!”
“This is not dance class. We do not twirl down the hall way”
“Ofcourse we are going to eat lunch today. We eat lunch everyday!”
“It is not a good idea to slam your fist down on your ketchup packet. Why? Because it will splatter everywhere!”
“Santa claus can see you!”
I could go on forever!!!
Love this post!! Out of the mouths of moms is great!!!
I say so many of these same things every day!!
i can’t even count how many times a week I look at my coteacher and say, did I seriously just say THAT?!?! hahaha
I’m not a mom but I am the older sister of 2 and the older cousin of many lol. These are some things I’ve caught myself saying
No you cannot stick your head through the deck rails it’ll get stuck… don’t do it! I said don’t do it.. well now you’re stuck aren’t you? Yea I guess you should have listened!
Take the truck out of your sister’s ear please, what? yes, I know it fits in there but thats not where we put trucks now is it? I don’t care if she thinks its funny, what if the truck gets stuck in her ear? Thank you I’m glad you don’t want the truck to get stuck.
Why on earth does your brother have red and purple dots on him? Ohh you colored him to see what he looks like, Ok well now you both need a bath….wait did you use the SHARPIE on him? Well now hes going to look like that forever, aren’t you going to feel bad when hes all grown up and has red and purple dots on him
and my all time favorite
What do you mean you flushed the keys down the toliet ? WHY did you do that? Oh silly me of course it was to see if they went where your pee pee does…thats nice,
I don’t have any funny sayings right now, just wanted to say the whole newborn mice thing (esp. the you giving it your breastmilk!) made me laugh! All of your examples made me laugh, actually!
Thanks!
i know you won’t publish but i have to say something
as a former teacher, i would be required by law to report you and your husband to CSP~
for possible sexual abuse in the home for 2 very specific reasons~
“Why don’t you try patting baby Stellan on the tummy? and take your gosh darn finger of his rectum”
and
“Is that true? Did you pinch his scrotum? Well, why would you do that? You need to apologize to your brother for hurting him. And don’t ever do that again.”
the two of you raising children and giving advice is scary, like david at waco and jim jones with his koolaid scary
i hope isreal don’t do live sacrifices on the alter he is building!
Char,
I am currently a teacher and mandated reporter.
#1 Just because you report “suspected” abuse doesn’t mean there actually is abuse.
# 2 Have you ever had MSC at the same time? As the parent of two children very close together in age, similar issues have arisen. Young children very innocently explore things they sometimes shouldn’t…..reasons we continually have to give reminders at school about how to play safely, behave, etc.
# 3 – It’s not like she told her kids, “hey fine go ahead and touch so and so in that way”
# 4 If you feel you should report, then by all means go ahead…..however, I think you should examine your motives. Are you really concerned for these MSC or do you just not approve of the parenting techniques? There’s a big difference between abuse and differences of opinion about parenting.
# 5 It’s probably a good thing that you are no longer a teacher……and since you aren’t a teacher anymore……you may not be a mandated reporter anymore.
*applause Patty!*
I second Patty and Julie. I am also a mandated reporter, and one reason it would not likely be founded is because Mckmama stopped it. Very young children are curious and do touch each other–(didn’t we all play “doctor” as kids?)– it is when we let it continue instead of stopping it that it becomes a problem.
Patty, as a current preschool teacher, and mandated reporter, in the Frozen Tundra, I agree wholeheartedly with you! Your response was exactly right and very well said. Thank you for setting the record straight.
I am also a mandated reporter and I saw nothing worth reporting! Kids, especially siblings who see each other naked for baths, changing, just being naked, poke and are curious of their bodies. First, Mckmama stopped it. Second, it wasn’t sexual at all.
Char
OMG Are you actually serious with your comment? How in the world do you find it “sexual abuse” when MckMamma clearly asked one her MSC to stop hurting their sibling and apologize after inappropriately touching the other child. Kids don’t know what is appropriate or not and it is not strange for kids to grab, poke, pull at each other and sometimes that is a private part. She did the right thing by telling child to not do it again and to apologize. Please clarify “how” that is bad advice? I only have to kids 2 & 4 and my 2 year old daughter has grabbed my son’s penis and thinks it is funny. I do the same thing. I say no, that is not OK. That is in NO WAY Sexual abuse. If anyone is scary, it is YOU and your ridiculous accusations. You are the type of teacher parents should fear since you are clearly overzealous in your parameters for calling CPS on parents.
So, Char, is appropriate as a mandated reporter to report preschool children who are doing what preschool children do? I agree with the others who say that MckMama stopped the action and used the opportunity to teach her children about private areas. I do not see that as abuse.
Seriously, “Char”, you have GOT to be more careful about throwing around terms like “sexual abuse”. It is overzealous people like you who bring completely unnecessary investigations on loving, caring families like this one. Do you understand that you’re talking about having someone’s CHILDREN TAKEN FROM THEM?! Are you KIDDING ME?! How self-righteous do you have to be to think that you ought to instigate an investigation that could tear apart a family?! I hate to think how many other families you’ve burdened with this kind of crap.
Of course in this situation there is absolutely no “sexual abuse” to be investigated and I know that MckMama wouldn’t be in any danger of losing her kids. But when you report this kind of crap, do you have ANY concept of the stigma that it puts on a family, to have been “investigated”? Or the fear and anxiety it causes? All so you could feel important for five minutes. Shame on you.
OMG – you have GOT to be kidding me! I am also a required reporter AND I am also a mother and grandmother.
#1 – I see why you are a FORMER teacher. You are one of those!
#2 – Apparently you don’t have children or you would know this is TYPICAL behavior for siblings close in age.
#3 – You NEED A LIFE AND A THERAPIST if you think these situations warrant a call to CPS. If you call, I hope they laugh in your face as you so much deserve!
#4 – You need to learn how to use correct grammar and punctuation (doesn’t look good for a teacher – oh excuse me – FORMER teacher to slaughter a small writing sample as you have done)
And that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!
I am a preschool teacher, so these are the conversations that fill up my day! Here are some of the ones that have stuck with me lately:
Please take the bread out of your ear. What do you mean why? Its bread, you’re supposed to eat it, not put it in your ear! Well it could get stuck in there and then how would you be able to hear? Yes, I know you have 2 ears, but you need both of them to hear. Ok fine, its a new rule at school, No bread in ears….happy now? Thank you for taking the bread out of your ear.
Uh, please take the dandelions out of your nose! I knew they were up your nose because the stems were hanging down on your lip. Yes, I understand that you can smell them MUCH better when they are up your nose, but that’s actually kinda dangerous. Well, what if there was a bee on one of them and then you put it up your nose? you’d have a bee in your nose! I know you probably did look really close, but what if there were other bugs that were too small for you to see, then those would be up your nose. Well, what if the flowers got stuck in your nose? OK, please remove your finger from your nose, I understand that you would prolly just be able to reach up there and grab the flower. Ummmmm….well, when you’re at school, could you just not put things up your nose? It makes me really nervous cuz it can be dangerous. SURE, when your mom comes to pick you up, absolutely you can ask her if you can put flowers up your nose at home! That’s a great idea, now can you go wash your hands now since your fingers were up your nose? K thanks.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?! NO NO NO NO NO!!! GET UP RIGHT NOW! IT IS NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER EVER EVER OK TO FLUSH THE TOILET WITH YOUR TONGUE!!!!!!! NEVER!!!! (pause for teacher gagging lol) Why on earth would you want to flush the toilet with your tongue?!? Yes, your tongue is very strong. Yeah, it is probably the strongest tongue in our class, but please do not EVER try to flush the toilet with it again ok? There are SO many germs on the toilet that could make you very very sick, that’s why. Yes, that is why you have to wash your hands after you go potty, so the germs don’t make you sick. I’m very glad you understand that now, no it wasn’t just cuz I was bored, I wanted to keep you healthy. You’re welcome. What? Ok, fine….New rule at school, no flushing the toilet with your tongue…..happy now? No, I’m pretty sure your mom will say that’s the rule at home too, but you can ask her when she picks you up. I love you too sweetheart, now please go wash your hands and rinse your mouth out.
Oh no!!! LOL Too funny! My daughter goes to special ed preschool, and I’m sure her teacher would have plenty to write about, too. Such a curious, test-the-boundaries age.
Love it!!
OMGoodness, that’s funny! (up the nose is my fave)
“Sweetie, when we are stirring the pancakes we don’t put our feet in the bowl”
“Please don’t eat your shoes” (can replace shoes with most other household items, especially paper)
Lol! Awesome =)
Just two weeks ago my 6 year old little boy announced, “I am moving out cuz your not fair” and my hurried response was, “well come here so I can tie your shoe so you dont fall going down the steps”. I instantly got the, “you’ve done lost your mind Mom” from my 19 year old daughter!!
Oh, yeah. That sounds like the way I would respond, too. “Be sure to close the door quietly on your way out because the babies are sleeping.”
I have told my four-year-old boy on more than once that I will help him pack a bag, but he has to leave all his toys because those are for the little boy who lives with us. Stops him in his tracks.
“We DO NOT suck on USBs. How many times do I have to tell you? It is not a paci. It is a USB port and it plugs into Daddy’s computer and Daddy will be very upset when he comes home from work if he finds out that you were sucking it again.”
That’s funny!
This was a conversation I had with my then 6 year old son.(He’ll be 10 soon)
“Mom, when are my eggs going to crack open?”
“What eggs?”
“You know, the ones by my pee pee.”
(WHAT!–I think but don’t say )
“Well, they aren’t really eggs. Remember, those are your testicles.”
“But they feel like eggs.”
“Oh my goodness…where’s your Dad?”
“I don’t know. I think Dad’s eggs already cracked open cuz we’re here. They cracked open three times Mom.”
Me yelling for my husband and trying desperately not to laugh while my son asks me these very serious questions about life. As soon as my husband found his way to the kitchen they had a man to man conversation. Our son definitely knows the difference between a chicken and a man now. That same year he convinced his sister that she had an Eve’s Apple. I love my kids!
Oh my! Definitely a talk for Dad to have with him!!!
HAHAHAHA!!!!!
ROFLMAO!!!!!! does that make you an “incubator” for dad’s eggs?????
ha ha ha! mommytries that is highlarious
I busted a gut when I read the one about the scrotum. Oh.my.word. BOYS!! They certainly make life interesting, don’t they?
I’ll have to write these down from now on so I can remember mine. But, I will tell you something that a STRANGER said to me the other day as I left the grocery store with JUST Ella (our 2 month old).
Man in parking lot: “How old is your baby?”
Me: “She’s 2 months old.”
Man: “Planned or unplanned?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Man: “Was she planned or unplanned?”
Me: Stunned. “Um. Well, she was planned by the Lord…”
I was so shocked. Mostly because I JUST had Ella and not the other 5 with me too. I could understand that comment if I had all 6 with me (or even more than just 1) but WHO asks that to someone? Oh wait, I guess creepy parking lot man asks that, that’s who!
Wow! That’s a pretty strnge parking lot survey!
Even if you did have all 6 with you, who asks that?! It’s one thing for your mom or your sister to ask, but a complete stranger?! People just have NO boundaries when it comes to pregnant women and babies – it’s amazing. They’ll ask anything. They just want something to judge – if you planned it, they want to judge you for being “crazy” to have a 6th child on purpose (speaking for other inconsiderate people, NOT my opinion!), and if you didn’t plan it, they can pull out the “don’t you know where babies come from?” comment. Ugh. People.
Someone actually asked me once, when I had three of our four together in a public restroom, “Don’t you know how to prevent that?”
THAT? “You mean the creation of my children?” That’s exactly what I politely asked her. And she giggled nervously and then said that’s not really what she meant. Sigh.
I have three and I have been more than tempted to say to the person, “No, can you please tell me how?” just to see them stammer.
Oh my goodness, those are hilarious! “No, I can’t just give him my breast milk.” LOL.
I don’t have a blog….but do have a line….
Honey don’t blow at/chase the bumble bees……they are going to sting you….and its gonna hurt……..see, I told you…..NO, that does not mean go blow on/chase the honey bees!!!
“How are your nipples feeling today?” (truly a question only a nursing mother asks another nursing mother)
http://thekissels.blogspot.com/2010/06/out-of-mouths-of-moms.html
I can’t get Linky to work either!
But here is my post!
Hilarious!
I knew I was officially a mom of boys when I heard myself say very calmly, “Sweetie, please don’t put your penis on the coffee table.”
Very funny and familiar.
I think the Mcklinky is not working. I could not add mine.
Hilarious! Thank goodness…I thought I was the only one who had conversations like this. Although the coversations with my 4 year old of course ALWAYS have to take place in public! Never fails it’s usually in the women’s restroom…Thanks for sharing, it made me giggle!
McLinky is not working. Here is my entry:
http://iknowwhatweregonnadotoday.blogspot.com/2010/06/out-of-mouths-of-moms.html
Hmmm the linky isn’t working.
But I keep looking back on all the things I’ve said as a camp counselor and babysitter and most of them have to do with private parts.. haha. That’s what I get for being a counselor to 7 year old boys!
HAHA! This is cute and you are patient. I swear, by the end of the day, I’m tired of hearing my own voice. Here goes:
No, you can’t swim in the pool naked.
It doesn’t matter if your foot hurts, you still have to brush your teeth.
Pick that up please, your arm is not broken {actually it is, but I keep finding myself saying that when he argues about cleaning up… and, yes, then he looks at me like I’m stupid}.
Sweetie, love the dog gently.
Close your chair {LAWD, I have a climber… ‘close your chair’ has become a catch phrase. If the dining chairs aren’t pushed in, the 15 mo old will be on top of the table in a matter of seconds}.
Okay, I have 3 boys and I’m pregnant… I could go on and on and on.
“Love the dog gently.” Love that one!! I used to have to say that to Nuggey all the time about frogs!!!
Not to my own kid but funny nonetheless:
“What’s that? Oh. Yes, I’m feeding the baby. Baby is eating. Um…sure, babies eat boobs. No, you don’t eat boobs too. You’re a big girl – you eat big girl food.”
oh that’S too funny!
I may or may not have peed a little when I read “did you pinch his scrotum”
Reminds me of my campers (all boys, all special needs) Changing for swim is where the majority of the “what am I saying” moments happen!
“No, you cannot have a boyfriend, you know you are too young (AGE 5!!!!!) When? When you’re 30, that would be okay…”—-minutes ago.
Love reading these! So funny!!
Funny!
Thanks for the laughs!
The mouse…that’s funny!
Not a mom, but a nanny…and I still say things I never thought I would : – )
“Well, I don’t care if you are ‘being horses’, we don’t eat grass.”
“When I ask you to do something, please don’t respond with ‘Yes, Master’, even if it is funnny.”
“We DO NOT use swim noodles as weapons!”
“No, I don’t have a baby. No, hon, I cannot ‘just have’ a baby. Yes, I want one someday, but not now. I know you ‘would just really like it’ if I did, but the answer is still no. Okay, when I decide to have a baby, I will tell you first.”
“I am very glad you know what library manners are, but by screaming at the little boy who wasn’t using his, you weren’t using yours.”
“Thank you for telling me what the speed limit is. No, I cannot go ‘lots faster’ just because you want to meet a police officer.”
Yes master?!?!
That is freaking hilarious!
Oh my goodness…”Did you pinch his scrotum?”….that is craziness. I imagine that I’ll have that to look forward to one day, mehe.
My 4 year old son, Aiden, *crying* “Mommy! Addison hit me with that toy hammer!”
Me: “Well at least its not a real hammer Aiden.”
Cute!
I have an Aiden (6.5) & Adalynn (2.5).
I love this! I’m not a mom, but I’m a big sister to three and a babysitter…does that count?
Here’s what I’ve been saying…
“Take the shark in your mouth. I know you think it’s funny but I don’t want you to swallow it.”
“Please don’t jump on my bottom. I know you think it feels ‘Jello-y’ but it doesn’t feel good to me. Don’t jump on my stomach either!”
“No, the AirCo men are not ‘aka butts’. That’s not how to talk about people.”
No, you can not poop in the grass. Yes, I know the dog poops in the grass, dogs poop in the grass, little boys poop in the potty. No, you don’t need to show me the dogs poop in the grass, I know it is there. Okay, thank you for showing me, now, go poop in the potty.
lol! Glad I’m not the only one that has actually had to say ‘no, you can’t poop in the grass.’
I was outside with my 4 yr son recently when I realized that there WAS fresh poop in the dirt driveway. (And we don’t have any pets.) When I asked him about it, he reminded me that last year, Daddy dug a hole for him in the dirt when he suddenly had the need for a BM when we were way out in the “middle of nowhere” at his uncle’s property in a very rural area. So, I had to explain to him that under NO circumstances is he to ever go poops in the yard or driveway again when there is a potty just inside the house. We live in a fairly busy area – I just hope no one saw him pooping in our driveway!
Jejeje this meme is to FUNNY!!!
I always visit your blog almost daily to admire your pictures and see how you beautiful family is doing. I don’t really comment jejeje do to my English being horrible so sometimes I will throw in some Spanglish I hope that’s ok!!
I linked up and joined the FUN!!
just one more thing I admire your photography and I have learn so much from you!
Thanks!!!
~Rocio from mamipicture.com
I linked up to join in! But the code for the button is not working for me… I had to just upload it as a picture :/ thanks for letting us join the fun and reminding us that we are not the only ones that say sucj crazy, silly things!
I’m sorry I don’t have time to make you chicken or spaghetti for breakfast!! No, you don’t need a bra yet. Yes one day you will!
My 3 year old son was driving his powerwheels at our barn. I looked up to see him headed straight for the tractor, gas pedal to the floor and both hands holding a bottle of tea. I yelled “BRAEDEN, DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!”
Love this one!
I’m going to have to start writing down the things I say to my kids. Some of it is pretty funny!
I laughed so hard at the pinching of the scrotum one. Oh what fun having boys is! hahaha.
my mom always told me I had to eat my carrots to make my eyes good and my hair surl…well I’ve worn glasses since age 2 and my hair is stick straight not even any body..so I guess that didn’t work!!!!!!!!!!! By the way, I don’t like carrots!
I’d do a post, but I only could think of one. Said to my 2yo and 5yo this last week…
“Can you please stop throwing Jesus around?”
(should I explain that “Jesus” is a ping-pong ball used as an illustration in sunday school for walking on water??)
Out of my mouth to my 21 month old:
“Son, we don’t wash our hands in the toilet.”
“Quit playing with your belly button, it’s turning red.”
“Those are mommy’s nipples, not yours.”
“Son, that’s your penis, lets not play with it.”
“No, the puppy doesn’t need a bath. Avery, mommy said the puppy doesn’t need a bath. AVERY! get the puppy out of the water!”
“Son, don’t grab daddys penis.” (My husband was getting out of the shower)
I can relate to these!! (Except for the puppy ones!)
I get a warm fuzzy feeling that I’m going to love ‘Out of the Mouths of Moms.” Not just because I love to know I’m not the only one saying crazy stuff, but because reading the things you say and how patiently you answer your children’s questions is very inspiring to me to be able to be patient with my own, as well.
Wow, that was a lovely compliment. Thank you. I have plenty of weaknesses, believe me. But God saw fit to bless me with patience with my children. It has actually grown the more kiddos we’ve had. I thank Him for that!
“Caleb time for a bath okay? Well that’s too bad you smell like dirty socks.” Maybe he should leave daddy’s boots alone lol
No, the tornadoes will not follow us wherever we go.
No sweetheart, when mommy goes potty it is not the baby in mommy’s tummy going potty too!
Oh my! So cute! Love it!
To funny!! I am going to work on a post for tomorrow and put it up. I am pretty busy and sick today!!